Too Good Is True
by swingswingx3
Summary: “She’s just a girl,” He continued, with yet another step closer. “You’re-” “I’m what?” I finally gave in, stepping closer to him so that we were so close our noses practically collided. “Lily." he murmured. .LilyJames.
1. This Is An Addiction Girl

Disclaimer—It's all JKR's. Obviously.

A/N. Alright, I started writing this last night and figured I'd post it to get some feedback. It's Lily's point of view, sixth year.

Tell me what you think of it

If a metaphor could be used to describe our relationship, it would have something to do with the ocean. Mysterious and vague, yet magnificent and passionate. The whole idea of waves crashing into the sand would definitely be thrown into the assessment as well. But I've never really been big on figurative language. So to me, just naming us a sea would suffice.

He was tall, dark, and handsome. Jet-black hair always messy and in his face, glasses askew, robes crooked. A prankster from the day I met him. Mischievous. I was small for my age with hair brighter then his could be with flaming yellow hair dye in it. I wasn't perfect, obviously, but I liked order. Straight lines and ironed shirts.

Polar opposites, yet there was something that always clicked between us. Like an invisible set of handcuffs that disabled us from walking away from the other, we were stuck together. Maybe it had to do with that ridiculous saying about opposites attracting. Or perhaps it was because he was just so extraordinary, so unlike me that I just found him more… **interesting **then other people. But whatever it was, I found him as addicting as an alcoholic found firewhiskey. And no matter how much he annoyed me, he intrigued me. He always thought my opinion ill, yet longed for my approval.

There was something so oxymoronic about him. Bittersweet, if you will.

And I hated him, yet I sought for him. I wanted him out of my site, yet still close enough to reach. That mess of jet-black hair and all.

For six years I have known him by face. For five I have known him by acquaintance. For one and a half I have known him to be the most **determined prat to ever walk the planet.**

And today, December 1st at roughly eight twenty-three AM, I found myself happy to say that he was as strong-minded as ever as he plopped down across from me at the Gryffindor table, whilst shaking hair out of his eyes.

"James Jr." He announced proudly, as if informing me he's just won a thousand galleons.

"What are you on about?" I asked curiously, though throwing out my best nonchalant act.

"The name of our son! Unless, of course, we produce a girl, though I must say I'm not too keen on the idea. Too many frilly dresses and pink clothes, not to mention the fact that James Jr. makes an awful girl name," he paused a moment to shudder at the thought, ignoring my eye roll. "But then again, having any child implies that you and I would have had to-"

"Oi," I cut in quickly before he can begin to talk dirty. "If you finish that thought I'll hex you."

James opened his mouth to object, and then shut it again. Though I had never actually hexed the bloke threatening always seemed to work with him, at least for a few minutes.

Next to me my best friend, Lydia, let out a chuckle. By nature she was easy going and fun loving, and was always a fan of the constant battles between good and evil (me and James). Her looks matched her bubbly personality, as she sported a head of bouncy blonde curls and sparkling chocolate eyes. Her skin was light porcelain, and at a glance one might think of her as delicate looking, yet she was a tomboy at heart; as well as one of Hogwarts finest Keepers in years.

"Put a cork in it, Davies." James insisted to Lydia, though it was obvious he was joking. Although James and I weren't on the best of terms, he and Lydia two had always been friends. I doubted they would ever take long walks together swapping life stories, but they always found it easy to shared a laugh.

"Oh you're just sour because now you've got no one to have your offspring's with." She said with a smile.

"Of course I'm not! I still have my Lilykins; she's just-" he lowered his voice to a dramatic whisper "Afraid of commitment." James grinned as I rolled my eyes at him before returning his voice level to normal, turning to me. "I understand that you're frightened to take such a leap. Don't worry though; I'll wait until you're ready. In fact I'll wait **forever** if I have to."

"Great," I said, my words drenched in sarcasm. "Any chance you can 'wait' someplace else? Like in the Forbidden Forest or some other place where there's an equal chance you'll be killed or starving to death?"

"So morbid," A fourth voice insisted, shaking his head and grabbing a seat next to James. "You really should step out into the happiness of the sunlight, Evans."

"Thanks, Sirius, I'll keep that in mind."

"Hey, that's what I'm here for. You gonna eat that Lyd?" He added, pointing to a piece of bacon on the blondes' plate.

"Of course!" she exclaimed with a grin, picking it up and taking the smallest bite possible, purposefully savoring it to annoy him. "Mmm," Lydia sighed blissfully, taking a second bite. "The last piece of bacon."

"Yeah **my** piece of bacon," Sirius said with false tartness, reaching out as fast as he could muster to grab the small bit of food from her hand. Unfortunately he misaimed, and instead knocked over his goblet of pumpkin juice, spilling it on top of himself.

James let out a bark of laughter, and Lydia and I quickly joined in. Sirius swore loudly and stood to avoid getting more of the dripping liquid onto his robes. The juice had tipped right in between his legs, giving off the impression that he had wet himself.

"Wow, karma really does exist now doesn't it?" Lydia supposed with a grin, speaking over James and my laughter.

"Oh sod off," Sirius replied, though he too let out a lopsided smile. "Anyway, you're the one who wouldn't share, Davies. That must means karma might just have to get you back for that."

Lydia raised an eyebrow, still grinning. "Oh yeah? I'd like to see karma try. He may be strong, but I'm pretty sure I could outrun him."

Before she had time to react, Sirius had thrown a corn muffin at her, hitting her square on the forehead. Her mouth dropped in astonishment, and she quickly thrust the rest of her cream-cheese covered bagel in his direction, though not taking proper time to aim. Instead, the breakfast item grazed James across the face, leaving a trail of white fluffy topping across the top of his lip, resembling an overgrown and un-kept mustache.

"And here I was going to take your side," He said as though offended by the fact she had misaimed. "But now- it looks like it's two on one! Are you ready to get creamed, Davies?"

"No- I- You **know** I was aiming for Sirius!"

"Yeah, and let's just take a moment to thank the lord you're not a Chaser on the house team," Sirius interrupted, ducking as a sausage was thrown his way.

I let out a laugh yet immediately regretted it as both James and Sirius's eyes landed on me, just remembering I was sitting next to Lydia.

"Eet speaks!" Sirius yelled, taking on a deep French accent for Merlin knows what reason.

"Aye!" James replied with a similar accent. He narrowed his eyes at me in interest, as though I was a unicorn at the zoo. "Do you think **eet **eez friend or foe?" He asked Sirius; oblivious to the many curious onlookers who had turned in their seats to watch the two boys make a spectacle of themselves.

"What are you blabbing about?" I asked uneasily. Every so often James and Sirius slid into their own little world on cue, as if knowing what the other was thinking. It was a weird connection the two shared, and if they'd looked more alike I'd be tempted to call them twins.

"What eez zit saying?" Sirius wondered looking confusedly at me.

I couldn't resist cocking an eyebrow in perplexity, and I could feel Lydia's eyes move from the boys to me in equal bewilderment.

"Hmm. There eez only one way to find out!" James insisted, picking up two raisin bagels and handing one to Sirius, careful not to take his eyes off of me.

"Ah, I know what you mean. On three 'zen?"

"Three!" the two shouted in unison, abandoning their French tones and chucking the bagels at me. I let out a squeal, managing to duck out of the way at the last second.

"Hah!" I called triumphantly, though the second I sat back up I was hit square on the nose by a third bagel.

"Oi," Lydia looked at me with pity, before dragging me downward with a snap to avoid a jam-covered piece of toast aimed at my chest.

Dropping underneath the table, Lydia spoke again. "We need a strategy," she began, absentmindedly wiping a lump of stray butter out of her hair.

"We need…

…Seventy points from Gryffindor and a week's worth of detention." Professor Flemming said in his trademark know-it-all tone. The funny thing was though, he didn't really know it all, or really much of anything.

My jaw dropped in shock at the sound of the punishment, and I sat up straighter in the chair in front of his desk.

"But-" Sirius began, equally irritated that an innocent food fight would result in such a sentence.

"No buts. The four of you were **way** out of line today. As sixth years, you are supposed to be setting an example for the younger students. Throwing food around that was prepared by the hard work of house elf's is just plain disrespectful."

"Hippie," James muttered from next to me, no doubt referring to the Professors obvious adoration for the kitchen slaves.

I felt the corner of my mouth twitch as if about to smile, but I stopped myself just in time. This was not the time or the place, not to mention the person to be smiling at.

"We're sorry, Professor." Lydia insisted from my other side, obviously trying to shorten the visit here.

"Yeah, especially for the house elf's." James added, and I felt my mouth twitch again.

"We'll be sure to write them an apology letter," I couldn't help but include, trying to sound as sincere as possible.

"Maybe we should send them a fruit basket, guys!" Sirius turned to from next to Lydia to ask for our groups' approval for his suggestion, though I found myself unable to look him in the eye for fear of laughing.

"Now **that**," Professor Flemming cut in, eyes now twinkling "Is the respect that students your age should be showing. I really am glad I got through to you."

"Oh believe me, Professor. So am I." Lydia insisted, teary eyed due to trying to keep a straight face. However, Professor Flemming seemed to take her watery eyes as those of regret, and he smiled.

"Well then, I suppose you four can go."

I nodded and stood to follow Lydia out the door that James was now holding open. Just as I was about to leave, however, the teacher spoke again. "Maybe just two detentions rather then seven will suffice, since you've all obviously learned your lesson."

After thanking him, the four of us quickly made our way out of the office and down the corridor before he could change his mind. Once we were out of earshot, Lydia and I both let out the heavy laughs we'd been holding in, and I found myself leaning against her for support.

Over our heads the boys exchanged a high five, and Sirius insisted that he was the most amazing being to ever walk the Earth.

"No way, that was team work in there," Lydia insisted. Sirius opened his mouth to object, but James spoke first, trying to avoid the argument.

"Call it whatever you want, we just got ourselves out of **five** detentions."

"See?" Lydia insisted, trying to further explain her point. "James just admit that it was all of us. And besides, all you did was suggest a fruit basket. I'm the one who could be confused with Juliet as she just found her Romeo dead!"

I rolled my eyes at her exaggeration of acting talent as Sirius both asked her who in Merlin's name Juliet was began to argue. I soon found myself falling back behind the two to avoid getting yelled at. Lydia and Sirius argued almost as much as James and me, only when they finished they'd apologize and start joking again in an instant.

I wasn't surprised to find James at my side. He turned to me as we walked, and I could tell he was examining my expression, which I tried to keep blank to confuse him.

I was about to tell him to bugger off and look forward when he spoke.

"You had fun today."

I stopped walking, not really caring that the gap between us and Lydia and Sirius was increasing.

To be honest, I wasn't really sure **why** I stopped. Maybe it was because I liked watching him get confused when he realized I wasn't next to him. It could be that I preferred looking him in the eye when I talked to him. Either way, I couldn't resist holding back.

"Oh yeah, getting detentions and pissing off my classmates by loosing Gryffindor house points are some of my favorite pastimes." My voice was drenched in sarcasm, yet it lacked the icy tone I often laced it with when I spoke to him.

"Ha ha. You know what I mean though; you loved the thrill of the moment just as much as I did."

"Oh yeah?" I asked somewhat curiously, meanwhile examining a loose strand of hair that had fallen out of the barrette I had been keeping it in. "And how did you come to this conclusion?"

"You're eyes."

I dropped the strand of hair immediately at this simple statement and met his gaze. It's not that I found his words sweet, more so vague and interesting. "And do you read my eyes often?" I teased, though it was a serious question to a degree.

"All the time," He replied, not in the least bit embarrassed. "You're quite good at keeping your face expressionless, but your eyes give you away every time."

I closed my eyes as I spoke next in spite of him. "Now you'll never know what I'm feeling or whether I'm having a good time. You might want to invest in a new hobby."

In all honesty, I felt pretty exposed and vulnerable standing next to Potter but not being able to see him. But then again (though I wasn't sure if I believed him), having someone able to tell what I was thinking by just looking into my eyes made me feel pretty defenseless too, like standing in front of the Great Hall in my underwear, with no other clothes lying around to shield myself with.

Not being able to resist any longer, I slowly peaked open my eye, only to find him inches in front of my face, rather then the foot we had previously had in between us.

I let out a yelp and jumped backwards in surprise, ignoring the shiver down my spine that his breath by my ear had caused.

James laughed, obviously getting the reaction he had hoped for. "Got you to open your eyes."

Sticking out my tongue I held my head up a little higher, still stubborn yet obviously defeated. "Well I think I'm going to get going before you start telling me my future by the pattern of my freckles."

He chuckled as I turned the corner to head in the direction of the library while he swerved in the other route towards the common room.

"Oh and Potter?" I began, turning once more to face him.

"Yup?"

"You might want to work on the whole 'eye reading' thing. For your information, I **didn't **find getting in trouble exhilarating. I found it rather dreary and avoidable."

It was a lie and I could tell he knew it, but I couldn't help but disagree with him. It was like a impulse; he said yes I said no. He said big I said small. He reckoned I should go out with him, I'd say otherwise.

Traditional, if you will. And you know what they say; traditions aren't to be meddled with.

"Yeah yeah, Evans. Whatever you say."

I turned my back once more to him and let out a smile before opening the heavy door of the library, feeling his eyes burn into my back until I had disappeared within.

A/N. Alright, what did you think? I know it's probably cliché but hey, you got to give me time to prove myself. Hah. Whatever. Let me know what you think, and if ya'll like it I'll continue.

In other words, **review.**


	2. I Can Feel You Breathing

A/N Here's chapter two. Thanks so much for the reviews, you have know idea how much I appreciate them

Disclaimer- It's JKR's. Obviously.

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I've never really been one for Quidditch. It's not like I'm unathletic or afraid of heights or anything, I just don't understand what all the fuss is all about. The rush of the wind in your hair, the feeling of total bliss and freedom, the clouds at your toes all sound great on paper. In reality, however, it's a little less enthralling. Who wants bugs and scum blowing into their hair anyway?

All right, I'll admit I'm a little bias about the whole subject. Loads of people play the sport, and even more are fans. At least that's what Lydia tells me constantly. Which is why I, in turn, retort that since there are 'so many' fans surely it's not necessary for me to be one too.

"Lily for the last time, shut up. You're coming to the game, no if's, and's, or but's."

I snorted and adjusted my positioning on my bed, rolling onto my stomach to watch her as she began to comb out her long locks in preparation for breakfast and that morning's Gryffindor-Slytherin game. "You sound like my mum."

"Good. Now show your mother some respect and get your lazy arse dressed before we miss breakfast."

"But Mommy," I teased in a whiny voice. "I don't want to go to the game, I'd rather read!"

Lydia glanced up at me from the vanity where she was brushing her hair, still amazed after six years of friendship that I actually enjoyed reading. "Too bad, reading taints your mind and turns you into a dark wizard. Quidditch, however, is just what you need."

"Wow, you'll certainly make a great mom one day." I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes and standing up slowly to get ready. I knew Lydia would never give up, and I didn't have anything better to do then watch anyway.

"I do try."

Yawning loudly, I made my way over to the dresser and removed from which a scarlet V-neck tee shirt and my favorite pair of low rise faded jeans. I dug deeper to find more Gryffindor wear, and was happy to find my scarf and jumper. I had learned long ago that it would be considered 'jinxing the team' by not wearing my house colors, after watching someone get thrown into the lake for wearing purple to a game in my first year, and was not ready to get soaked by pond scum. After quickly changing and braiding my hair as to not have to deal with straightening it, I was ready to go.

It was a little past nine when we entered the Great Hall, and although this was usually pretty early for a Saturday morning, the majority of the school was already settled at their house tables. I made to sit in one of the nearer seats next to a couple of girls in the year above us, but Lydia pulled me further down the row.

"Come on, let's wish the guys luck." Although this didn't seem like an ideal scenario, I didn't protest. Something about early morning and me don't go overly well together.

"Morning guys!" Lydia said brightly as we approached the end of the table, plopping down in a seat across from Sirius, next to Remus. Dropping to Remus' other side, I glanced across the table and my jaw immediately dropped. Because across from me sat Peter dressed in the most obnoxious snake costume I believe the world has ever scene. It was a brilliant shade of puke green with X's over its eyes to make it look dead. To top it all off, a thick liquid much resembling blood was dripping from the costumes chest where a ruby red plastic sword stuck out at an odd angle from, the word "_Gryffindor_" carved onto it.

"What happened to you?" I breathed.

"Umm, it symbolizes Slytherin loosing." Peter said hastily, trying to reach around the sword for a piece of bacon.

"Yeah, I think we got that much." Lydia said with a laugh

"Did you loose a bet?" I asked bluntly, though regretted it at the sad look on his face after I had uttered the words.

"No… James told me I should wear it to show extra school spirit." I rolled my eyes, though a smile escaped my lips. Of course _he_ was behind it. It _was_ pretty funny I'll admit, but setting your friend up for public humiliation seems rather cruel. I looked around to find the bloke to reproach him, but found that he hadn't entered the hall yet.

"After we slaughter Slytherin we're going to set him on fire!" Sirius excitedly explained.

"Yeah and kill Peter?" Lydia asked.

"Naw," Sirius shrugged. "We'll **probably** be able to get him out before it does any permanent damage."

"How reassuring," I muttered mostly to myself, but a chuckle from my side let me know that Remus had heard. "And what's your opinion of this?"

Remus grinned. "I don't know about the whole 'fire' part but-"

"Oh, he's just being modest. Remus put the charm on it to make it look like dripping blood!" A voice sounded from behind me, and I didn't need to turn to know it was James.

"Are you guys going to set Potter on fire after the game as well?"

"Good morning to you too, sunshine."

I gave him a wide, sarcastic smile as he plopped into the chair next to me. "Sleep well last night? For the game, I mean. Wouldn't want you to fall asleep on your broomstick and plunge two hundred feet to your death!"

"Always so morbid…" I heard Sirius mumble.

"As a matter of fact," James said, unmoved. "I **did** sleep well last night. You were in my dream, did I mention? You, me, and Professor Dumbledore…"

I opened my mouth to speak, but after finding I had no desire to find out more, I turned to Sirius. "Oi, Yaxley called me a really foul name the other day. Hit a bludger at his head for me?"

"Given."

"Oi, Sirius. We should head down to the pitch about now, Yule wants a meeting before we start warm-ups." James insisted, grabbing a muffin from the table and standing up once more.

Sirius frowned, staring longingly at his plate that was still covered with food. "But I'm still hungry, I'll pass out without a full meal."

"Oi, stop being melodramatic. If you want to live to see tomorrow you'd best come now."

"Now look who's being melodramatic." Sirius stuck his tongue out jokingly at his friend, but stood up anyway. "And are my escorts ready to walk me down?" He indicated to Lydia and myself.

"Eh, must we?" Lydia joked, also standing and linking her arm through the one Sirius offered.

James appeared at my side and waggled his eyebrows, also holding out his arm for me to take.

"Seriously?" I questioned, letting him know I had no desire to take it.

"People will think you're an icy bitch if you don't take it," he jokingly whispered so only I could hear. And looking around, I must admit there were eight or nine female onlookers, all who seemed curious as to my next move. Rolling my eyes, I stood.

"Let them think it," I strode past him a few steps, "Oi Remus, you coming?"

"Nah," Remus replied, looking up from _The Daily Prophet_. I'll be out in a bit. Save me and Pete seats, will you?"

I nodded my head in agreement before turning again to look for Sirius and Lydia. Unfortunately, they had already made it to the oak doors of the hall, too wrapped up in each other to notice the rest of the world.

"C'mon then," I muttered darkly, grabbing James's hand without thinking and pulling him in the direction of our friends.

"You know," he began, grinning and falling into step with me. "We get thrown together a lot, you and me."

"I wouldn't call it 'thrown together'. This isn't some wacky fate thing."

"Yeah, thrown together really isn't the best way to put it. But I guess you could say we hang out a lot."

As much as I'd like to deny that I spend a lot of time with the bloke, I couldn't. It _was_ true, after all. "It's not hanging out. This isn't hanging out, it's just walking to a Quidditch pitch and bickering."

"Really? I wouldn't use that phrasing. I'd call it a lovely walk into the grounds holding hands. And we don't always have to bicker."

I began to raise an eyebrow in confusion but stopped midway. Because sure enough; there was my hand in his, as if it was an everyday sort of thing.

Yanking it quickly from his grip and wiping it on my jeans dramatically, I sent him the most disgusted look I could muster. He just laughed and shook his head, holding the front door of the school open for me as I passed him.

Upon stepping out into the cool morning, I was instantaneously struck by a blast of icy wind. It was mid-December, yet I had been too thick to remember to bring a heavier sweatshirt, and was already regretting it. Wrapping my arms around myself and trying to ignore the cold, I turned back to James.

"Tut tut. Not very ideal conditions, eh?" He knew that I was humoring him and sent me a lopsided grin.

"Au contraire. The ground is nice and hard which will make for a good kick off. The wind might be a bit rough but it's a cloudless-"

"Alright, that's quite enough of that."

"Fine, but you started it."

I stuck my tongue out at him and opened my mouth to retort, yet stopped when I noticed his attention had been diverted. Turning to see who he was looking at from behind me, I spotted a fellow sixth year with bleach blond hair and brown eyes, long legs, and a smile that exposed white pearly teeth. I knew she was a Ravenclaw, but I couldn't remember her name. I think it was Lisa or Leslie, or something.

I was about to ask James why he was staring at her, when I noticed that she wasn't walking by us, but rather **to** us. Or rather, to James, that is.

"James!" She cooed in a high and annoying voice, throwing herself at him.

I didn't mean to stare or look disgusted, I swear. Nor did I intend to let out a gasp when she leaned forward and met his lips in a playful kiss. Not that it was even heard, as the only two people in ear shot happened to be snogging like there was no tomorrow.

Deciding it'd be nice to keep my breakfast in my stomach, I turned and strode off down the pathway and toward the gates. Turning for a spilt second to see if the couple was still embracing yet still moving forward, I collided with the person walking ahead of me.

"Sorry," I exclaimed, turning forward once more to see whom I had ran into. "Oh, hey Karli,"

She smiled, "Hey Lils. Actually coming to the game, eh?"

I laughed and nodded. Karli, like Lydia and myself, was also a Gryffindor sixth year. I wasn't as close to her as I was to Lydia mainly because she mostly hung out with seventh years, but we still got along well. She was sweet and one of the funniest people I knew, and she was one of those carelessly pretty girls. Karli was a little taller then me, around 5'6". She had this amazing naturally tan skin with chocolate brown hair and matching brown eyes.

She was one of those people that just about everyone loved. One exception, of course, being Lydia. Not that Lydia hated her or anything, more like resented. Once way back in second year Lydia had confided in both me and Karli that she was 'madly in love' with a fellow Gryffindor, Frank Longbottom. However, apparently Frank had a thing for Karli, and was planning on asking her out later on that day.

Lydia for some reason took this as backstabbing, figuring Karli had been flirting with him. Even though Karli turned him down, **and** although it was four years ago, the two haven't gotten along the same since.

"So how's life through the eyes of Lily Evans?" She wondered, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"Oh just spectacular. You know, excitement and wonder in every day." I insisted sarcastically. Karli laughed.

"Yeah, it's pretty much the same here. Who are you here with, anyway?"

"Well I was with Potter, but he got distracted. Now I'm looking for Lydia, I suppose."

By looking at her face, I could automatically tell she hadn't heard a word after 'Potter'. I rolled my eyes as she waggled her eyebrows.

"Still as in love with James as ever?" she half-joked.

"Oh… well yes I suppose." I had lowered my voice a bit and looked at her so seriously that her smile actually faltered.

"You're **kidding.**" She breathed, stopping in her tracks.

"Duh," I rolled my eyes for a second time, which resulted in a joking punch to my shoulder.

"Don't joke like that, I swear my heart actually stopped beating!" She insisted, putting a hand to her chest dramatically. "When it does happen; you and James dating, I mean," she continued, serious once again. "**You'll** be the one to tell me, right? I don't want to find out through the grapevine; I want to see you have to eat your words about hating him."

"What are you on about?" She raised her eyebrows and gave me a hard look. "Fine. When I admit my undying love to James Potter, you'll be the first to know."

"That's all I'm asking. Now, I'm supposed to meet up with some people, you're welcome to come if you want."

"Naw, I've got to find some people as well."

She nodded, "Bye Lily!"

"See you later," I waved, watching her walk away for a moment before turning and looking up at the stands. I knew which three stands the Gryffindor's usually occupied; yet I hadn't been to enough games to know where Lydia, Remus, and Peter usually sat.

I was currently near the Hufflepuff locker room, looking up to see if I could see Peters costume or Lydia's blond locks moving up above. I was about to give up my search and head back to the castle when I heard a rustle behind me, followed by a warm hand grabbing my wrist, dragging me back into the room.

I was about to scream, but a second hand covered my mouth. It was too dark to see who my capturer was, but a voice spoke out to inform me.

"It's me, calm down." James soothed.

I inwardly sighed, relieved that it wasn't some Slytherin rapist, but didn't change my expression as he removed his hand from covering my mouth, yet kept the other tight around my wrist so I couldn't get away. "What do you want, Potter?"

"Nice to see you too, Lily."

"You brought me into a dark empty locker room for small talk?" I asked, currently annoyed at his very existence.

"No. Mostly to apologize." As my eyes adjusted I could tell that he was uncomfortable, for he kept running a hand through his hair.

I raised an eyebrow, annoyance peeling away and being replaced by curiosity. "For what?"

"Lindsay." He stated simply, and I filled in the blanks, assuming that was the name of the Ravenclaw he'd previously been snogging.

"Why would I care about that? You can snog whoever you want."

If he heard my offhand words he didn't acknowledge the fact, as he now seemed quite interested in the hand that was latched onto my wrist, holding me hostage. "Whoa, I really scared you by dragging you in here. Your pulse is still crazy," I hastily pulled my arm out of his grip and took a cautious step backwards. Because the thing was, the act of being dragged back here wasn't all that scary. So why would my heart be beating so quickly?

"You know this doesn't change anything," He assured me, taking a step closer. "Me dating her, I mean."

"What would it change?" I asked, taking yet another pace back to distance myself from him.

"It's not serious. She's not serious," It was like dancing a strange waltz, I noted as he stubbornly stepped closer again. "Lindsay's just a girl," He continued, with yet another step closer. "You're-"

"I'm what?" I finally gave in, stepping closer to him so that we were so close our noses practically collided.

"Lily," he mumbled, and as he said my name my eyes involuntarily closed, and I could feel myself leaning towards him.

As my lips parted slightly, a deafening roar was let out from outside the locker room, causing me to jump back away from him. The game was obviously beginning, and James was here with me instead of with his team. He swore loudly.

"I've got to go," He gave me one last look, then turned and disappeared out the doorway, leaving me alone to drown in my thoughts.

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A/N So what did you think? Kind of boring, but give me time to prove myself. Please review, I'm seriously begging you.


	3. What Happens in Vegas

Disclaimer- Not mine. Obviously.

A/N Allriggghht here's chapter three. Thank you so much for everyone who reviewed, I very much appreciate it

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Everybody makes mistakes. It's just a known fact; people screw up. Feelings get hurt, limbs get broken, and words are revealed that weren't intended to be unmasked just yet. In other words, shit happens. And when said shit happens, we're left alone and confused, intend to glue back the pieces yet never knowing where to start.

An old English teacher once said that making mistakes helps you grow. Actually, now that I think about it my dad told me that a few times too. But what they failed to relay to me was _how_ they help you grow.

Not that I really made a mistake, per say. I didn't skip class or lie to a friend or anything that was all that awful. Or was it? That moment in the locker room was… well I don't know what it is. **Attraction, **I suppose. Not that I'm in love with James. To say that would be a straight out lie. I don't want to be friends with him now, and I certainly don't want to snog him. This isn't some cookie cutter romance- I swear. It's just attraction. I've said it before and I'll say it again and again, there's just something about that bloke that makes me go mad every so often.

No, this wasn't a first time sort of thing with me and Potter, it's happened before. And I think that's what truly scares me. Because there's no use denying the facts; if the crowd hadn't cut in I would have kissed him senseless.

Once, back in third year there was a whole group of us playing some ridiculous game called 'seven minutes in heaven'. In this game you pull numbers and then get shoved in a tiny dark and dirty closet with another person to kiss, make out, whatever. Use your imagination.

The whole game was utterly pathetic in my opinion, but I played along anyway because I was hoping to end up with this fourth year, Derek, whom I had a major crush on.

But obviously I didn't end up with Derek. I wouldn't be me if luck favored me. As fate would have it, I got landed with bloody Potter.

No, I didn't kiss him. I didn't have sex with him. I didn't touch him in any way. **Clearly**. I was planning on sitting in that damn closet for seven minutes of arms-folded silence, but of course this is Potter we're talking about, so he didn't bloody shut up.

He asked me why I played. I asked him why he did. He said because of me. I said it was none of his bloody business. My coldness didn't rub off right away, but slowly yet surely the layers of the onion began to peel; I began to answer his questions.

And before I knew it he was closing in on me, and for once I wasn't rejecting him. He cupped my face lightly with his hand and I let my eyes flicker shut. I could feel his steady breath on my cheek and it drove me dizzy.

All too suddenly the door burst open and bright light began to show brilliant upon us, much mirroring the lovely shade of pink I had turned. However I wasn't about to look foolish. I quickly moved to a defensive position and glared at James before walking off in the direction of my friends to rant about how horrible the guy was.

So maybe it isn't fair to the guy. Maybe it could be considered stringing him along. But I mean come on, what do you expect? I tell him daily that I'd giggle if his head got smashed like a pumpkin. I alert him that in no way would I attend his funeral. So I mean he should get it through his thick skull by now that I don't want to date him. I just have… issues when I'm left in a confined space with James. Right.

After these few occurrences I usually opt for avoiding the bloke, and when he finally does corner me to try to get me to admit what happened I usually pretend I have no idea what he's talking about. I guess you could call it Vegas. What happened in that locker room, stays in that locker room.

So obviously after speaking with Potter I decided to lay low. Going to the Quidditch game was never something I wanted to do all that much, but now I couldn't bear to show my face due to a lovely case of self-loathing. So instead I found my way back to the common room where I sat on one of the cozy armchairs deciding to begin my homework.

I remained upstairs for the next three hours, and it wasn't until I was considering taking a walk to see what was happening in the match did the crowd of fellow Gryffindor's began flowing back into the common room.

"Where were you?!" Was the roar that sounded from the portrait hole. Slowly lifting my head from my potions book, I caught sight of Lydia , face red from the cold, entering the common room. I opened my mouth to speak, but she continued talking, obviously not caring for an answer. "Gryffindor creamed 'em! 270-30! And they set Peter on fire, the Marauders, I mean. On fire! Apparently the costume was more flammable then they thought; luckily Professor Slughorn was around, or should I say unluckily? They're getting detentions for it now." She took a breath, now plopping next to me on the couch. "So wait, where _were_ you?"

I looked down at my potions book, trying to think of some clever excuse. The truth was I'd been too out of it to go. I knew if I had gone to the game Lydia would have known something was wrong due to my obvious signs of instability, and I certainly didn't want to talk about it. What would I say, anyway? I still wasn't sure what had happened myself, so I doubted I could explain it to someone else. "Eh, I decided to bail. I had homework anyway."

Lydia looked at me skeptically. "It's only Saturday, and besides," she stole a glance at the page my book was open to before I could close it. "You're reading chapter twenty three. We're only on twenty."

I shrugged. "I hate Quidditch?" Was the only plausible reason I could think of, but it ended up sounding more like a question then a statement. Fortunately, Lydia just rolled her eyes.

"Whatever. Anyway, there should be a party starting up pretty soon. James reckoned they were going to get the goods after they got yelled at, so they should be here in a few minutes. You might want to bring your stuff up to our gorm before it gets smashed alone with everyone in this room."

Lydia joined me as I stood, gathered the books I had lain out on the couch, and made my way up the spiral staircase to our dorm room.

Upon entering, I dropped my books into my trunk and began to unbraid my hair, which had begun to annoy me. Meanwhile, Lydia opened the closet door to look for something more 'suitable' to wear to the party. She pulled out a jean skirt and held it up to herself, asking my approval.

"Way too short. You'd look like a hooker."

Frowning, Lydia held up the skirt to look at it more closely. "But this used to be my favorite skirt. I hate being tall." She chucked the skirt at me, "You wear it, you're like three inches shorter then me. It'll look good, I swear."

After a moment of protest, I pulled the skirt on. And I must admit, it did look quite nice. Lydia grinned and threw me a green V-neck sweater, which I caught in the air, then grabbed something for herself and head into the bathroom to change.

I changed quickly in the now empty dorm then dropped onto the end of my bed, wrapping a lock of hair absentmindedly around my finger.

The door burst open and Karli entered along with my third and final roommate, Liz, whom I wasn't very fond of due to her **ahem** need to wear shirts that didn't cover her boobs, along with two seventh years that I only knew by face.

When Karli spotted me she grinned and winked. "I spy a head turner."

I rolled my eyes but smiled at her comment. "Very funny, Karli." I would have said more, but just then Lydia opened the bathroom door, freshly clothed. She smiled politely at the crowd that had entered our room, but didn't offer more then a quick 'hello,' before insisting she should head down to the party. I followed, rolling my eyes once more and laughing as Karli called from behind me, asking if 'it' had happened yet, obviously referring to whether or not I had professed my love for Potter.

The common room was crowded in the way it always was after a victorious mess, so Lydia and I actually had to duck under waving arms and climb on top of couches to make it to the other end of the room, where we had spotted Remus.

"Hey," he greeted, smiling.

"What's the verdict?" Lydia questioned, cutting to the chase. Remus's smiled widened.

"No punishment. Turns out, they cant prove that us setting him aflame wasn't an accident. So we're in the clear."

"Nice," Lydia admit, patting him on the back. "Where are the others, anyway?"

"Peter's in the hospital wing with a burn across his face, and James and Sirius are in the kitchens. Oh and Lily, before I forget, I saw your owl in the Owlry about a half hour ago when I was sending off a Zonko's order. She had a parchment tied to her foot but I don't think she knew what was going on; she looked pretty confused."

I sighed at the pathetic state of Éclair, my owl and decided it be best to retrieve the letter quickly, on account of if I waited too long she'd probably eat it or something. "I'm out then,"

I slid my way toward the portrait hole, glad that I hadn't had to interact with James. I was actually smiling when I stepped through the doorway, but said smile vanished as I walked straight into the person entering the room.

He let out a low wolf whistle and shook the hair out of his eyes as he stared at me. "Looking sharp, Evans."

"Looking sweaty, Black."

Sirius grinned at my comment. "Yeah, didn't have enough time to shower after the match. You're lucky you're just looking at me rather then smelling me."

I scrunched my nose in disgust. "Who says I can't smell you from here?"

Laughing, Sirius made his way around me and through the portrait hole and began yelling at the top of his lungs "I've got the Butterbeer!"

It was after I had smiled at Sirius's energy that I spotted him, slowly sauntering towards the portrait hole. His hair was messy as usual, sopping wet around his face and hanging slightly over his eyes. Unlike Sirius, James had obviously showered since the game. A towel hung lazily from his shoulder and his hazel eyes popped with mischief. In his arm was a large cardboard box filled with food.

He spotted me, infamous grin dancing across his face like he didn't have a care in the world. I spotted him, and my contentment fell away, masked by uncertainty and hesitation. He meandered towards me confidently, while I stood a motionless statue carved into the floor.

"Fancy bumping into you this evening," He said, running a hand through his hair.

"Yuuup," I said slowly, finally stirring from my immobile state, attempting to squeeze by him to avoid talking.

Before I could let out the breath I had been holding in his hand was out, blocking my way and turning me into stone once more. "So why are you walking away from the party?" He curiously wondered

"Owlry." I said simply, trying to pinch past him once more.

"And why's that?" He was clinging desperately to the same conversation I was trying to flush away.

"Dunno, Remus said he saw her with an owl."

"Saw who?"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at his thick head, "My owl you dork,"

James let out a lopsided grin but wasn't intimidated. "Wait until tomorrow," was his uncomplicated suggestion. He shifted the box he was carrying to his other arm and stretched out his tired one.

"No, I think I'll just go now."

"Why?" His choice of word was short and innocent, but I could tell it was laced with deeper meaning.

"I don't know, why do you care?" The truth was, I didn't know the answer. Normally I would have stayed and had fun with my friends instead of roaming about the castle at such late hours. Normally, I wouldn't have almost kissed James.

Sensing that the conversation was about to cease, he cut to the chase. "What happened back there?"

"Back where?" I was being intentionally thick, trying to avoid the oncoming train wreck, and he knew it. However, he didn't back down.

"In the locker room." I offered him a confused gaze, and he offered me a groan.

"So you're going to pretend it never happened?"

"That what never happened; you dragging me into a dark and smelly locker room for your own amusement? Yes, I must say, I'd like to pretend that never happened."

The look he gave me next was overflowing with so much intensity that I had to look away, my mind flashing to the incident when he swore he could read me by my eyes.

"Seriously?" His question was barely a whisper, yet it stung harsher then a yell. It was said in a voice mixed with confusion and hurt, laced with betrayal.

A voice that made me want to take every word back. But I had made up my decision, and my decision was not him.

"Seriously what?"

"You didn't feel it?"

"Are you alright James?" I asked uncertainly. I didn't want to upset him, but at the same time I didn't want to be too nice either.

He shook his head slowly. "No, you're lying right now."

I let out a frustrated groan. "Lying about what?" Before he opened his mouth I continued, ready to end this conversation, which was obviously going nowhere, "Look Potter, I've got to go."

"Right. Whatever you say Evans, I know you're in love with me." I rolled my eyes at his comment, though a small smile crept across my face because he was back to his usual joking ways.

"Goodbye Potter," I called over my shoulder, and as I walked the remainder of the journey to the Owlry I couldn't shake off the grin that had been plastered onto my face

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A/.N keep 'em coming


	4. She Goes All The Way

A/N Chapter Four –She Goes All The Way

So, has anyone heard the new Rascal Flatts album? I'm not even much of a country person and I'm absolutely in love with it. So my advice, go download it :D

The chapter title is from a song on their album by the way

Actually now that you mention it, so is the whole story title.

Anyway, definently listen to Secret Smile. Best song ever.

Alrighttttt, fangirl mode over.

here's chapter four

By the way thanks so much for the feedback, I really appreciate it.

Disclaimer –It's all JRK's

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You know what sucks? Families suck. I mean seriously, this is the one group of people you spend the most time with, yet also are the people you cant choose. You're taught family morals as a kid, such as 'honor thy mother and father', and are expected to just flow with them; no if's, and's or but's.

You're taught that your family will always be there for you and have your back, and all that bullocks. And for the most part, as a kid, this is true. And then you hit those horrible teenage years and someone begins to pull the carpet out from under your toes.

For instance, you're supposed to be with your family during the holidays. It's like in the rule book or something. However apparently, my parents decided to skip that chapter. Because guess what? My folks are going to France this winter break to visit Petunia at boarding school. And guess what else? I am to stay at school.

I don't want to bother going into the details, but basically my parents insist that I'd miss a week of school, which is obviously too much in their opinion. Plus, they reckon it'd be a 'tight squeeze' if I came. Like I weighed 600 lbs, you know?

Anyway, that's what the letter Remus saw tied to my owl's foot said. Which, I might add, was quite the mood killer. So after jotting a quick… colorfully written reply, I was back off to the common room, hoping to find something to raise my mood.

The portrait swung open, and the sweet smell of fire whiskey from the Quidditch party immediately began to suffocate me. Fire whiskey and the faint smell of dung bomb, that is. The room was extremely stuffy and overpopulated, especially in the center of the room where the 'Five Legged Dragons' new single was blaring through somebody's WWN and a huge crowd of people were dancing.

Just at a glance I could notice about fifteen school rules that were being broken, the first and foremost being underage drinking, and the smallest being not using coasters. However, I couldn't help but let out a small smile at the whole ordeal, as well as feel a small sense of pride in my house. After all, I was certain no other house could hold such a gathering, and I could already tell that things were looking up.

Easily spotting a head of blond curls close to the drink table, I slowly made my way over to Lydia, who was standing with Remus and Sirius, throwing her head back in uncontrollable laughter no doubt told by Sirius and found funny by the liquor in her hand.

"Oi!" I called, nearly tripping over a couple that happened to be lying on one of the couches, engrossed in a heavy make out session. I was about to apologize when I noticed that the male had unusually dark and messy hair. And that's when I had to cover my mouth to hide my gag. Because it was Potter whom was horizontal on the couch playing tonsil hockey with some bleach-blond tramp.

I tried to walk away unnoticed, but apparently I had walked pretty hard into the pair, causing them to bash teeth. "Bloody hell…" James complained, holding his jaw and looking up to see who had disturbed them. Catching my eye, he dropped his whine and grinned.

"Hey, flower." He said nonchalantly, as if he wasn't on top of another girl.

I wrinkled my nose in disgust at his choice in pet name. "Flower?"

He laughed, unphased. "I only call you that because I cant quite remember your name, only I know that it's some type of flower… daisy is it? Or maybe it's something that flies on flowers? Like Bee… ooh I like that name, I reckon that's got to be it."

"Ha freaking ha, Potter." I turned to walk away, but his voice stopped me.

"So, why did you bump into us? We were a little busy here," he gestured at himself and said 'bleach blond', and I could tell he was hoping for the best. "Jealousy, I presume?"

I rolled my eyes. "Actually I was going to ask you if you remembered to take your Herpes antidote before you started snogging anyone, but I figured it's too late now anyway, so I'll leave you to it."

I grinned as the blond gasped, deciding to disappear before Potter began to shoot vulgar comments my way. I quickly slipped back into the crowd, ducking underneath the drink table until I had reached where Lydia, Remus, and Sirius had been standing. However, I found Remus alone, carelessly sipping from a bottle of Butterbeer, which I was thankful to see read 'non alcoholic', and watching the crowd.

"Hey," I greeted, grabbing a bottle similar to his off of the table and popping it open. "Where is everyone?"

"Sirius and Lydia, you mean?" He pointed in the direction of the crammed, makeshift dance floor. "Dancing, of course."

I nodded. After all, I should have known. If Lydia loved Quidditch matches then she lived for the parties afterward. She had been quite fond of dancing since the day I had met her, and any excuse to do just that was good enough for her.

And if she had to pick a partner it would obviously be Sirius Black.

"Why'd I even ask?" I wondered out loud, causing Remus to chuckle.

"One of life's many mysteries."

We stood silent for a minute or so, both watching the carefree couples dance and laugh. And I must say, after a while it did look pretty compelling.

"Want to dance?" I asked Remus, catching his gaze.

He smiled but shook his head. "I'm a horrible dancer."

I shrugged, "Me too, we'll make an excellent pair."

"Eh, James would probably get angry."

I snorted, "I'm not asking you to sleep with me,"

Remus snapped his fingers in false disappointment, "Oh damn, and here I was hoping to get lucky," I laughed at his comment and sent him a grin.

"So you'll dance with me?"

"But he'll think it means something… he's **very** protective over you."

I sighed; annoyed that James Potter could ruin my fun even when he was on the other side of the room attached by the mouth with another girl. "Well then we'll tell him it means nothing. Or better yet, we don't tell him and pretend it does, and then I watch him fume by the ears and beat the crap out of you. Kidding," I added as he raised his eyebrows in horror at me.

"C'mon, we're going now." I grabbed his wrist and pulled him onto the dance floor towards Lydia and Sirius.

"Look what the cat dragged in," Lydia greeted, holding a plastic cup filled with Fire Whiskey above her head as she danced with Sirius.

"Not you too," I sighed, referring to her glass. "Don't expect me to hold your hair back while you're puking tomorrow morning."

Lydia laughed, taking another sip in spite of me. "You always say that, and yet you end up holding it back anyway."

"What can I say" I insisted with a grin, "I like to help the pathetic."

The four of us danced for about a half an hour, up until a slower paced song began to blare throughout the speakers. Sirius immediately grabbed Lydia by the waste and pulled her up against him, but Remus, however, started to back away.

"No, don't leave Remus."

"Eh," he sighed, "I'm not really the slow dance type."

"You're not really the fast dance type either," Sirius mumbled to Lydia, although since he was slightly wasted it came out a bit louder then he had planned. Lydia stomped loudly on his foot to silence him, and Remus blushed slightly.

"Thanks buddy,"

Sirius grinned and gave him the thumbs up before returning his attention back to Lydia.

"I think I'll just sit this one out."

"But-"

"Gosh, Evans you sound so desperate." A voice came from behind me, and I turned to meet James's gaze. "I suppose I'll dance with you so you wont feel like such a loser."

I dramatically rolled my eyes. "Gee thanks, Potter. But sorry, I wouldn't dance with you if you paid me."

"Five galleons?"

"One dance," I agreed, slightly reluctantly. However, I _was_ saving up to buy new dress robes, and every knut counted.

It was Remus's turn to roll his eyes as James put his arms around my waste and I lightly dropped mine around his neck, choking down the question that I was burning to ask him in the back of my throat, that of whether or not he had fleas.

"Your breath smells like alcohol." I complained.

"Well maybe if you moved a little closer you wouldn't have to smell it."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "That doesn't make sense." I insisted, though didn't bother objecting as he pulled me closer, figuring my grievance would be in vain.

"Sure it does, freckles."

I sighed loudly into his ear, which was now only centimeters away. "What is tonight, the night of nicknames? Or do you make them up every time you're smashed? Should I make some up too?"

James laughed but didn't offer an answer, so I continued. "Let's see… you've picked out such great ones for me. Daisy, Bee, and Freckles, am I right? I suppose I should call you something fitting. How about boomerang? Because no matter how far I try to throw you, you always come back."

James chuckled once more and I couldn't help but frown, because the fish just wasn't biting this evening.

"I don't like you when you're intoxicated." I admit, turning to look him in the eye. "You're no fun."

"Actually, I'm not intoxicated. And when I am believe me, I'm fun."

"So you need to be completely wasted to be any fun?" I asked, smirking.

"No," was his cheeky reply. "I need to be around fun people to be fun."

I chose to ignore his comment, instead changing the subject. "So how's Lindsay? Looking different from the last time I saw her, I must say. And I could have **sworn** she was in Ravenclaw!" I sarcastically mentioned his girlfriend, whom obviously hadn't been the girl he was kissing.

"That, my dear, was Rachel."

"So you broke up with Lindsay?"

"Not quite yet," Although I had known that that would be the answer, I still couldn't help but scrunch my nose in disgust and pull away from his grip.

"That's horrible."

James shrugged. "I know, isn't it great?" He planted a smile on his face, which I quickly wiped off with a stern glance.

"No it isn't, it's a weak and foul."

"How is it weak?" He asked, slightly perplexed. We were no longer dancing, yet still standing relatively close to each in the middle of the room.

"It's weak that you don't have enough self control to stop yourself from making out with another girl before you drop the one that you already have!" I don't know why I was angry in the first place. It's not like it was really any of my business. I just hated players. I hated people who didn't mind hurting others for their own sick amusement.

"That's not a weakness if I had no inclination to being faithful in the first place,"

"So why ask her out then?" I wondered, my voice rising above his. "I'm certain that you could easily find some pathetic girl who just wants a good, no commitment snog session, just like you!"

He frowned; his voice had also risen, yet remained quite a bit calmer then mine. "Why do you even care? It's none of your business in the first place."

Would 'I don't bloody know,' be an expectable answer? Because that certainly was the truth. However, I opted to sting rather then show my own weakness. "I care because people like you make me sick and disgusted and I'd rather keep my dinner down, thanks."

"Oh yes," He agreed, voice drenched with heavy sarcasm and still gaining power. "EVERYBODY!" began his holler, motioning wildly to the wide number of eavesdroppers around the room. "LILY EVANS FEELS SICK AND DISGUSTED WHEN PEOPLE KISS. SO COULD EVERYONE PLEASE OBLIGE HER AND BECOME NUNS?"

That really did it. I seriously could feel smoke coming from my ears. Just allow James Potter to take words and jumble them up just to make other people look bad, rather then actually come up with something witty to return.

I stepped forward, closing the space between us. Though I was seething mad, I managed to drop my voice to just above a whisper. I could feel every person in that room clinging to my words like the first snowfall, yet none of it mattered.

All that mattered was Potter and me, and the argument at hand.

"Or better yet, let's all oblige Potter and wait in a line for him to us up like toilet paper, carelessly flushing us away each time. In fact, why doesn't everyone just brew up some polyjuice potion so we can **be **him? What's not to like; with the ridiculous hair that's always everywhere, the underdeveloped personality, and, of course, the charm that seems like it's suffered a train wreck? I must say, just thinking about owning those traits makes me giddy."

"At least I'm not romantically stunted, miss 'I'm too scared to have a relationship because I'm afraid of the aftermath!'"

I laughed cruelly, "I was wondering when this lovely topic would pop up. And when you mention aftermath, are you referring to the downfall of my sanity? Because I'd have to be insane to date you."

"Hilarious, Evans. Bloody hilarious. That's the thing though; you make jokes, but you and I both know that deep down you don't hate the idea of you and me."

"You're completely right." I agreed mockingly. " 'Cause my dream has always been to be another notch on the 'ol bed post."

"No but-"

"Merlin James, give it up. Go have another drink, Mr. 'Oh, I'm not intoxicated!' Go have a drink and while you're at it, snog a few more people. That sounds fun, doesn't it?"

I didn't wait for a reply but instead turned on my heel and marched right up to my dormitory, not bothering to spare him another look.

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The next morning came much too quickly. After reaching my dorm the previous night I had head straight to the shower in a desperate attempt to drown my anger. However, it only resulted in me using up all of the hot water and gaining pruney fingers.

I changed into my pajamas and jumped into bed, though doubted that I would fall asleep anytime soon, as I was too worked up for sleep. However, I proved myself false, drifting off only minutes later.

I rolled over, squinting at the clock on my bedside table for the time, which read ten o'clock. Slowly standing, I yawned loudly and looked around the room to see if any of my other roommates had risen. Karli's bed was already made and her curtains open, so I figured she'd already made it down to breakfast. Liz's bed was also vacant, but a quick look at the closed bathroom door let me know she was occupying it; no doubt getting sick.

I turned in my other direction and laid eyes on Lydia's sleeping figure. Her curtains weren't drawn all the way and her heavy Gryffindor comforter was pulled up high, covering her head.

I stepped towards her, and upon reaching the bed I nudged her so she moved slightly over and dropped on top of the blankets, lying beside her.

"Good morning," I greeted quietly, as to not disturb her sure-to-be headache.

"What's good about it?" She grumbled, rolling over but keeping the covers pulled tightly over her head.

"I hear you there," I replied, absentmindedly toying with a lock of my hair. "Sick?"

Lydia grunted what I took to be a yes. I sat quietly for a moment, figuring she'd eventually attempt to get up.

"We have a problem,"

I turned my head in the direction of the lump that I took to be her body, deciding to cautiously lift the blanket off from over her head. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." She repeated, not yelling at me for taking off the blanket but instead looking at me with frightened horror. "I'm wearing boxers."

I rose an eyebrow at her, wondering if she was still a little drunk, but still concerned due to the serious face she was giving me. "And that means…?"

"I'm wearing boxers!" She repeated, as if it was plain as day. "I don't wear boxers, Lil. These are guys boxers. I got drunk last night and yet I don't remember anything. All I know is I'm wearing boxers."

My jaw dropped, my mouth forming a small 'o' as realization sunk in. And here I was thinking **I** had a bad evening.

Here I was, a little argument with a guy that means nothing to me. Here Lydia was, confused, having done god knows what with god knows who.

"Right. Boxers."

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A/N Okay I know this was kind of bad, but review anyway. I'll probably edit it a bit then repost it. Review anyway though.

And by the way, the ending part with Lydia is dedicated to my friend Olivia, who's had quite the similar experience… multiple times. Hah.

Review.


	5. Seriously Sirius

A/N Hey guys, thanks so much for the feedback. I love reviews!

And by the way, I figure I'll point out now that last chapter, that whole 'dedication' thing to my friend was a joke. Promise.

Disclaimer- It's JKRs

REVIEW.

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"So…" I began slowly, not really knowing how to react. "You don't remember anything?"

Lydia put her hands on her head, slowly massaging her temples both to remember and to help ease the headache. "Not a bloody thing… well I remember the game, I suppose. And I remember coming back… I remember drinking. Were you and James fighting or was that in my dream?"

"Yes, that happened. What about after? Did you leave the common room at all?"

Shaking her head, Lydia sighed. "I don't know."

Patting her back, I looked down at her disheveled figure. Her makeup was a mess and her hair had fallen down from her ponytail. She was sporting last nights top and, of course, a pair of blue striped boxers. She was a mess, yes, but even so she still looked pretty. She was one of those people who could just roll out of bed and go down to breakfast in their pajamas still looking good. "Maybe this isn't what it looks like? You could have borrowed them or something..?"

Lydia heaved a frustrated groan. "I sure hope so."

"Yeah," I agreed, hoping more then believing this to be true. "Plus, you might remember more as the day goes on."

"I suppose,"

I stood from her bed, stretching. Breakfast would be ending soon, and I was still pretty hungry. "Getting up anytime soon?" I asked my friend, who had already closed her eyes and pulled the covers over her head once more.

"No," She replied simply.

Nodding, I made my way over to my dresser and began digging around for clean clothes. Spotting a pair of loose-fitting sweats I quickly changed into that and a top. After brushing my hair I made my way over to the door and quietly disappeared behind it as to not disturb Lydia .

Upon reaching the common room my eyes began to burn from the sunlight. Since all of the blinds had been pulled in my dorm it seemed like it was still dark out, but upon descending the staircase the bright sunlight bounced of my face.

I looked around the room and found it mostly deserted, save for a few first year girls who seemed to be starting their homework.

"Hey Lily,"

I jumped at the sight person who had just stepped down from the boy's dormitory and directly in front of me without me noticing.

James Potter laughed at the sight of my terror. "Jumpy this morning, eh Evans?"

"No hangover this morning?"

"Already took a few aspirin. So how's life?

I raised an eyebrow, giving him the dirtiest look I could muster before ignoring him and continuing on my way to the common room. So, he was just going to pretend nothing happened last night? I sure wasn't.

He continued to follow me, but it wasn't until we reached the outside corridor that he spoke again. "Not very talkative today, are we?"

"Am I **ever** talkative when it comes to you?" I asked rhetorically.

"No, but that's one of the good aspects of our relationship; we can have some of the best conversations of our life without even opening our mouths."

I rolled my eyes, tossing my hair over my shoulder and grabbing onto the railing as I began my decent down a flight of stairs.

Potter sighed, "You're still angry about last night?" I continued to remain silent, and I could tell it was killing him. No matter how much I like to point out Potter's faults, I do realize that he's actually quite witty. When I respond to his comments he's able to aim them right back at me as if he's rubber, but he can never prove a point without having something to work off of. In fact, I'd probably have a lot more success in ridding myself from Potter if I always remained silent. However, I've always found silence a form of weakness.

"Bottling up emotions is never a good thing; let it all out." His simple statement made me stop in my tracks. Even though I was facing forward and he was behind me; I could still feel his smile. He knew he had hit the spot.

"You want me to stop bottling up emotions? Fine," I swiftly turned on my heels on the middle of the staircase and fixed him with a glare.

"You Potter, are a cow. You hear me? A cow. No, you know what? You're worse then a cow. You're one of those annoying little tics that jump onto a cows arse and suck it's blood; suck all of the life and happiness out of it. No matter how hard the cow swats it's damn tail at you, you just don't go away! And when you finally do, you leave the cow with a scar and a disease." I pointed a finger threateningly at him and he took a step back, but he was still unmoved.

"So in this metaphor; this horribly thought up metaphor, by the way, you're the cow?" He flashed me a lopsided grin, causing me to let out a frustrated groan.

"Whatever, Potter. You win." I turned once more and strode down the stairs, just as he turned behind him to Sirius and called jubilantly:

"Did you hear that, Padfoot? I won!"

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Lydia refused to get up for the rest of the day, insisting she was too sick and tired. I supposed she was also trying to avoid the owner of the boxers as well, but I didn't taunt her with the fact. I checked on her a few times, but it was a nice day and I didn't fancy hiding in our dorm room for the entire day, so at about one o'clock I decided to take a walk out on the grounds.

I found my way to the lake like it was a natural fixation and onto the large rock that over looked the black pool of waves in a picturesque sort of way. Since I had finished all of my school work the previous day I opted to bring the current novel I was reading; some pointless love story that despite the fact I knew it nothing in it would **ever** happen in real life, I couldn't put down.

I sit cross legged on the rock the book on the ground and my hands firmly tucked into my coat pocket; as the December air, although not as cold as usual, remained bitter, and I hadn't brought out any gloves.

I remained in a bubble of seclusion for most of the afternoon; out of the general pathway for most other students who had also selected to head outdoors. Those who did pass me I offered a quick 'hello' to but not much else. I didn't mind much, however, because unlike Lydia who always insisted on being with a friend, afraid that if she was alone too long she'd miss out on a pointless inside joke, I liked to be alone every so often.

It wasn't until four-thirty or so that I was interrupted from my peace; though I can't say I was all that reluctant to see Karli drop onto the rock next to me.

"Hey," She greeted, pulling her legs up to her chest for warmth.

I slowly tore my eyes away from my book and closed it, turning to greet her. "Hullo, how's the day?"

"Pretty good. How's," she tilted her head to look at the title of my novel, "Paradise?"

I laughed, also looking down at the book. "Corny as hell."

"Sound's like my kind of book," Karli lifted the book and flipped it to read the back cover, just as Sirius slid down beside her.

"Mine too," His voice was deeply sarcastic; laced with a purposeful tone of shall I say… queerness?

"Hah Black," Karli replied, not bothering to look up from the book, which she had opened and begun to read. "You can read it when I'm done- that's if you're not too busy doing the horizontal tango with Davies."

I coughed loudly, choking on the air I had just inhaled. "_Excuse_ _me_? As in **Lydia** Davies?" Leaning forward to see Sirius's face, I caught him slowly lower his head into his hands.

"Whoops," Karli understood, finally looking up from the book. "I take it that's not out in the open. I'm going to go… read this. Bye Lily," She patted Sirius comfortingly on the back, "Good luck with that."

I didn't bother complaining to Karli that I hadn't finished the book, nor did I yell at her to wait for her own bloody turn to read it. Instead, I just nodded vaguely and scooted closer to Sirius. "Spill Black,"

He looked at me like a wounded puppy, and I couldn't help but soften my gaze. "Please?" I added as an afterthought.

"We didn't… it's not what it seems like. We didn't… yeah. We just…"

"You gotta give me more then that."

"Well," He began, drumming his fingers lightly against the rock. "We were drunk. It get's crazy, you know? Well obviously **you **of all people don't know, but you get the general idea I'm sure."

I rolled my eyes but couldn't object, as it was completely and totally true.

"Anyway, we went up to my dorm room, Karli must have seen us. We were just hanging around, you know, talking and joking and stuff and then we just sort of… started kissing."

Although I had known from Karli that this had obviously happened, I needed his confirmation to make it true in my head.

"We," He continued, scratching the back of his head and ruffling his hair "We didn't go far, you know, just kissing. Once both of us registered what was going on we stopped and Lyddie left. It was horrible,"

Sirius put his head in his hands once more. I nodded, realizing at once that it wasn't as big of a deal as I thought; yet still in a way a huge event.

"Wait," I asked, realizing a flaw in his story. "But she has boxers. How-"

"She said her jeans were uncomfortable. That was before anything happened."

We sat in silence for several moments, I looked out into the water in thought and he remained with his head in his hands.

Sirius and Lydia kissing. I really didn't know what to make of it. I mean, I'll admit that part of me was sort of expecting it at one point or another, but under the circumstances?

"Lydia doesn't remember." I voiced my thought with a jolt, "You have to tell her,"

"How does she not remember?" Sirius asked, looking up at me. "Am I that forgettable?"

I laughed, "This suprises you?"

He stuck his tongue out at me jokingly, but quickly regained seriousness. "I shouldn't tell her. It'll make things… complicated."

I raised an eyebrow, "You **have** to tell her, or she'll end up posting them on the bulletin board for lost and found or something!"

Sirius grinned at my comment, but didn't reply directly as he seemed to be scheming. "How about," he reasoned. "I give her the condensed version. Ill tell her that they're my boxers and how she borrowed them, but ill leave out the complicated stuff,"

I opened my mouth to protest, but he continued, cutting my uncertainties short.

"That way it doesn't get weird or anything. She's one of my best mates, Lils. I cant tell her, I don't want to hurt her."

I nodded, giving in to his reasoning. "Fine. I never knew you could be so… serious."

"All in the name." He said with a grin. Ruffling his hair, I stood up.

"It looks like ickle Blackie poo is growing up!"

"Yeah yeah," he also stood and held out his arm in a sort of chivalrous gesture. I rolled my eyes but took it anyway, linking it in my own and beginning the journey back to the castle.

You know I hate to say it, but Sirius Black is a good guy. In a lot of ways he's like his ludicrous pal Potter; with the whole ''use 'em then loose 'em'' sort of dating philosophy as well as the same ridiculous sense of humor. However, he's got morals. He actually thinks about what his friends care about, as well as their own welfare.

Potter could certainly take a leaf from his book. I'm sure is by some insane lapse of judgment my lips **somehow** came into contact with his repulsive snout that he'd sure never let me forget it.

See, but the thing is, I don't know why I'm finding Sirius to be all that of a good guy. I mean, he did kiss her in the first place. Plus, not telling her entails lying to her about the whole night, and with it he's forcing me to lie as well.

However, in my opinion, friendship usually trumps truth. Little white lies are acceptable in my opinion if they're meant in the right ways. Sirius was right when he said that the truth hurts. Who knew we had a romantic, sensitive guy on our hands?

A/N This chapter's to the Red Sox who lost horribly after a 5 hour 14 minute, 11 inning game. Ack.

Review.


	6. Growing Up and Falling Back Down

A/N. How is everyone? It's been a while, or so it feels like. Maybe it hasn't, I haven't really checked the date since I last posted.

Some perfectly amazing things have happened since I last posted, and let me just say that I'm very incredibly proud for my team who's just made it to the world series. Actually, they're up in the series three games to none.

Anyway, thanks as always to those who reviewed and added me on alert/favorite. You're loved very much :D

Here's Chapter Six—Growing Up and Falling Back Down

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When you're young and naïve, everything is in black and white. You're told to eat this, watch that, you even had a certain bedtime. Follow the lead of those wiser then you, and above all be sure not to rock too high on the swing set.

And, as kid's, it's natural to whine and complain about being overwhelmed and suffocated by this. It's a fact; we're all just trying to change the world. So, naturally, we sneak in a few chocolates late at night. We check out the television stations that we know our parents would never approve of. We swing so high on that old tire swing out back that it feels like we're flying.

But the thing is, deep down we also have a sliver of appreciation towards are parents for setting such strict rules. And, if we don't, by the time we're shipped off to school like cattle and forced to make our own decisions we begin to wish that we were still under the wing of our parents. In other words, we begin to wish that we hadn't yet grown up.

Once, in my muggle English class, we read this book in which a kid undergoes a transformation which my professor referred to as the 'loss of innocence,' also known as growing up, as I mentioned before. In this book, the boy's best friend jumps off of a tree aiming to land in a river of water, but instead splats onto the earth, breaking his leg. He undergoes surgery and after a bit of time the readers find out that there were complications to his surgery and he's dead.

Why, out of all the books in the world, my English teacher chose that story to explain to us the processes of growing up I'll never know. Because the fact is, I guess, as parents say; kids mature. It doesn't take your best mate vanishing off the earth for it to happen, eventually everyone looses their childhood clarity. The more we try to change the world, the more of the world we see. The more of the world we see, the more adult-like we become. It's just in the circle of life, or whatever. The black and white turns to color. Children grow up.

Well, most children anyway. And no, I'm not about to start a Peter Pan sort of rant, but I must say that there are several Hogwarts students that I can safely say have yet to undergo the process I mentioned. One in particular; James Potter.

I mean seriously, what kind of mature teenager would chuck note after note after my head during class? Especially when the class is Defense Against the Dark Arts, a subject in which a person **really **needs to pay attention to in order to pass.

So I tried to ignore him. Actually, I'll admit, I gave him the dirtiest look I could muster after the first piece of paper bounced off the back of my head. Then I ignored him.

After all, the primary rule in dealing with children is to not give into their juvenile games. Don't let them feel like they've got the upper hand. **Resist the temptation to knock them out cold.**

However, once a seventh piece of parchment made contact with my back and the stubborn bloke showed no signs or relenting, I couldn't help but give in. Turning to face him in his seat directly behind me, I hissed, "What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?"

Potter grinned at me and shrugged, "Shh, don't talk in class. You're supposed to read the note, Lily."

I raised my eyebrows and gave him a nice long stare as to make him uncomfortable. You know, one of those looks where the only thought going through your head is "_Is he crazy?_" but you dare not ask it out loud for fear that he'll go completely mad and kill everyone in the castle.

"Why would I **ever** read a note you wrote?" I asked seriously, but turned around before he had time to answer.

Lydia cocked her head in curiosity as I returned to my notes. Shrugging my shoulders to let her know that it wasn't anything important, I turned my attention back to Professor Styles. It was moments later, however, that I found myself turning once more in my seat.

"Do it again and I'll curse you," I threatened, pulling my wand out of my pocket and lying it upon my desk threateningly.

"Marry me?" He whispered, and it took all of my strength not to blush due to the nature of the question, especially after I heard Sirius snort from James's side.

"Go to hell." I insisted automatically.

"Only if you'll come with me,"

"You do have the hair for it..." Sirius interjected jokingly.

"Got boxers?" I muttered, lowering my voice dramatically so Lydia wouldn't hear. His eyes darted to her automatically then back to me, and now it was his turn to glare.

"Touché."

James looked in interest from me to Sirius, obviously not knowing what we were talking about. And, of course, James Potter always has to know.

"Boxers?" He asked curiously, fixing his gaze fully on his best mate.

I turned toward Sirius myself, and in all honesty I was quite amazed that James didn't know about the incident with Lydia. After all, Sirius Black and James Potter were the closest of friends that I ever knew. In actuality, it's pretty much impossible to find one without the other. They're like some strange combo pack. Like fries and a coke; you can't have one without the other.

So you see, I would have inquired more on the subject as to drive Sirius mad, but this whole not communicating thing was all new to me. And at that moment I felt guilty as hell for mentioning it. So instead I turned forward in my seat once more and tried my hardest to pay attention to the lesson being presented, attempting and mostly failing to ignore the whispered questions James continued to ask Sirius.

After an unsuccessful class, James naturally turned toward me once more for further inquiries. "So," he began, falling into stride next to me as I exited the classroom and turned left towards my next subject, Divination. I would have waited for Lydia and walked with her instead, but rather then opting for seeing into the future she instead was learning about the past in Ancient Runes next period. So I was pretty much fated to be annoyed half way across the castle. "How's life?"

"I'm not telling you anything Potter," I firmly stated, adjusting my books from one arm to the other and tucking a strand of hair behind my hair.

"I wouldn't want you to," He grabbed the small pile of books out of my hands and rested them idly underneath his arm (he was too lazy to carry his own around).

I looked at him quizzically due to his statement. "Why not?"

"Because Sirius doesn't want me to know," he said with a shrug.

"And you're content with his choice?"

"I respect it, if that's what you mean. He can tell me whatever her wants, but he doesn't have to."

I raised an eyebrow at him in amazement, "You're crazy." I insisted before grabbing my books back from him.

"You're charming."

I rolled my eyes, not at all phased. "You always use that line."

"No," he contradicted after mulling the thought over for a moment. "Sometimes I use 'beautiful' or 'amazing' in the place of charming. Whatever I'm in the mood for."

"And the more you use it, the less it works."

"So it worked at a time?"

"Eh," I admit, squinting my eyes slightly to remember correctly. "I think I found it a bit flattering the first time in fourth year or so. Mostly annoying at strange, but the littlest bit becoming."

The grin on his face significantly widened. "Lily Evans found me chivalrous?"

"When did **that** word come into play?" I asked, suppressing the urge to smile.

"Lily Evans finds me chivalrous and stunning." He repeated goodheartedly, adding a second adjective in a more final sort of tone.

"Aren't we a little old for make believe?" I asked, turning towards him.

"Yeah, so stop pretending."

I opened my mouth for a retort, but his witty response had caught me off guard. I turned once more and began to climb the narrow staircase in front of me, quickening my pace a bit. "**I** do not pretend."

James laughed, following behind me. "You pretend you hate me."

I stopped once more in my tracks for the second time during the walk to class. Yeah, I realize that I do that a lot. Anyway, of course since James was behind me he walked straight into me, which caused me to wobble a bit, and the bloke had to grab me by the waist to avoid me following down about fifteen steps of the staircase. There was just something he had said that made my mind flash to that drunken night. Which also made my mind flash to the fact that I was supposed to not be talking to him.

My lack of response caused him to continue. "We could be friends, you know." He insisted, stepping behind me into the Divination classroom and sitting down across from me.

No response. So he continued further. "I'd make a great friend. I'm respectful, like we mentioned before about Sirius. Plus I'm funny and amusing. And I'm a great snogger if you're into the whole 'friends with benefits' sort of thing."

I rolled my eyes, finally speaking. "We'd be friends when hell froze over."

James pretended not to hear me; instead he gazed deeply into the crystal ball that sat in front of him on the desk, as if entranced by it. "What's this," he said in a strangely vague voice that reminded me greatly of our professor. "It's telling me that there are snow falls coming to the underworld. **And soon**."

I couldn't help but laugh a bit and reach across the small table to lightly punch him in the shoulder. Because the thing is, as much as I disliked the thought of getting along with James, my life would be so much duller without him. He was immature and pathetic, yes, but without him I feel like I would grow much too old much too fast. Because I suppose that sometimes, no matter how grown up you become or think you become, you're still really a kid inside. Everyone is. The truth tends to be that when the chance presents itself, as if in the form of Potter, the layers of baggage begin to peel off and once more the innocence is revealed.

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A/N Review!


	7. Time Bomb

A/N yeah, I realize it's been a while. I'd throw out an excuse, only I don't have one.

This chapter's in honor of the new Harry Potter DVD that just came out yesterday. Even if it is rubbish compared to the book.

PLUS it was my birthday Monday. So how about you give me a nice present in the form of a review.

Disclaimer- It's JKR's. Ever so obviously

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"Is my hair too frizzy?"

"Nope."

"Are my teeth too crooked?"

"Nope."

"Do I smell?"

"Nope."

"Then why does he hate me?"

I looked up from my Charms homework and raised an eyebrow at Lydia. "Why does who hate you?"

Lydia caught my eye through the mirror she was looking in and gave me a long look, as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. After she finally realized there was no way I was going to supply myself with the reply, she rolled her eyes and said "Sirius, of course!"

"Sirius hates you?" She turned completely in her seat to face me and give me yet another look. Seriously, when did I become so thick? And more so, when did Sirius start hating Lydia?

She nodded and turned back to the mirror to continue her self-evaluation. "Maybe it's because I'm dull."

"Wait a second," I cut in, standing from my bed and positioning myself next to the blond, turning her away from the mirror before she caused some serious self-damage. "Did you and Sirius get in a fight?"

"Might as well have," Lydia admit, "At least then I'd have a clue what I did to cheese him off. He just keeps avoiding me like the plague."

I held back the urge to roll my eyes. Because unlike Lydia, I knew exactly why Sirius was avoiding her, and I also knew how ridiculous the whole thing was. I suppose I showed my emotions too obviously on my face though, as Lydia quickly asked me what I knew on the subject.

"Nothing," I backtracked, picking a barrette off of the vanity and absentmindedly twirling it between my fingers. "It's probably something ridiculous though. Have you tried talking to him?"

"Yeah, but the only words I've gotten out of him in the past few days were 'pass the salt'. Real deep, I know."

"Give him time. It's probably all just one huge misunderstanding." Boy do I stink at consoling people. But I mean, what am I supposed to say? _"Sorry Lyd, but he's a little spooked on account of the fact that he can probably picture nothing but your tongue down his throat."_ That'd go over well, I'm sure.

However, Lydia seemed content with my words, as she shrugged and stood up from her spot. "He needs to spill tonight. I'll get him to. In the mean time, up for a trip to the owlry?"

I shook my head, dropping back onto my bed and lugging my charms book onto my lap. "I'll pass. I'm nearly finished with all of my work for Monday."

"Freak," Lydia insisted jokingly, as we both know she hadn't begun hers yet. "I figure since Winter break starts Friday, I'm already in the clear until the new term begins."

"You just keep thinking that," I replied with a grin, turning back to my notes as she disappeared through the dorm doorway.

It took me a while to get back into 'homework mode', but ten or so minutes later I found myself totally emerged once more in it. However, I was shaken from it quickly once more upon hearing a familiar voice's bellow from the common room.

It was a muffled yell, but I immediately recognized the deep booming voice to be Sirius's. Moments later, I realized who he was yelling at and stood quickly to figure out what all the fuss was about.

I tried my best to silently make it into the common room so that it wouldn't be _totally_ obvious that I was eavesdropping, but upon entering I realized that I could have come barreling down the stairs without anyone noticing.

In the center of the common room stood Sirius and Lydia, about two feet apart. Lydia's eyes were flashing wildly, and she was hissing out some retort that I hadn't heard the insult to.

Spotting Remus a little ways away, I slid up next to him. "What happened?"

It took a moment for Remus to realize I was there, as he had been watching the argument so closely. "Huh? Oh. Lydia asked Sirius if something had been wrong lately and he completely exploded."

I raised an eyebrow. "Cat fight." Only I regret the words the moment they slipped out of my mouth, because I had accidentally said them in unison with James, who was on Remus's other side.

"Great minds think a like," he insisted, grinning at me.

"Yeah whatever," I retorted, sticking my tongue out at him. As soon as I had made my comment, however, my attention was diverted to Lydia, who had just let out a groan.

"You're bloody impossible, Black!"

"Oh really," he replied bitterly. "And you're just a walk in the park! Why bother talk to me at all then, if I'm as awful as you say?"

"Good question!" was Lydia's quick response. "Maybe I shouldn't!"

"Fine then!"

"Yeah, Fine!" And with a quick flip of her hair and turn of her heels she was out of sight, leaving Sirius to stare regretfully into the place where she once stood.

I frowned at the look on his face, and was happy for his sake when he too turned and made his way to his dorm.

"Pathetic, isn't it?" James insisted when his friend had gone.

"What are you on about?" I asked wearily.

"I mean; me and you can fight. Like fight in the way that no one will ever forget. Those two are just rubbish at it."

I gave him a dirty look before turning toward Remus. "D'you reckon I should go after her or let her cool off first?"

"I'd let her cool," Remus suggested, just in the same time as James insisted I should go after her.

"Yeah, I better wait." I agreed, ignoring James altogether now. He frowned, though pride still intact.

"I'll go after her then," he insisted, giving off his best attempt at gallantry, which only made me snort.

"She'll just punch you."

"I bet she won't."

"Go for it then."

I watched as James followed in Lydia's wake, then turned as Remus spoke my affirmative.

"She's gonna punch him."

…

The rest of the evening went by relatively strangely. I finished up my homework in the next half hour or so, and found myself wandering into the common room with several minutes to waste until dinner.

I found Peter and Remus by the fireplace, engrossed in a game of Wizard's Chess. Sirius sat on the couch by them, and although Remus appeared to be talking to him, it was obvious Sirius's mind was elsewhere as he stared vaguely into the fire.

I approached the three, and slid onto the couch next to Sirius. I watched him stare pathetically for a moment before clearing my throat to let him know that I was next to him.

He turned to me and gave me a sad smile. I, in turn, raised an eyebrow, silently asking him if he was going to tell Lydia about the _whole_ boxer incident.

"No," he firmly stated, recognizing my thoughts.

"It could help-"

"No." He repeated, causing me to roll my eyes.

"Stubborn."

"Naturally," he replied, finally letting out a small grin.

I returned his gesture and stood. "To dinner then?"

He nodded and stood. "Moony, Wormtail? You guys coming?"

"Just..one…second…Hah! Check mate!" Remus exclaimed happily, standing and stretching his arms above his head with a grin plastered proudly across his light features. "I'm ready now."

"Gee, everyone bow! He's ready to leave now!" I sarcastically joked.

"Yeah, shall I alert the Evening Prophet?" Sirius added with a smirk.

We continued to joke on our way out the common room and down several corridors, and I'm certain we would have continued had it not have been for the spotting of Lydia and James who were emerging from a classroom.

Lydia smiled when she spotted me and I thought for a moment that everything was already back to normal, but the moment she realized who I was walking with she glared in the direction of Sirius before speaking what I'm assuming was a farewell to James and turning on her heel into the opposite direction.

I watched James stare after her for a moment with my eyebrow raised, but stop as he turned to me, Sirius, and Peter.

"Fancy meeting you here," he said, shaking his head so that his hair shook, becoming even messier then usual.

"Is she completely furious?" Sirius asked immediately, skipping the small talk.

"At me?" James asked with false thickness, mostly to avoid answering. "No, we're on good terms."

Sirius rolled his eyes at his friend and aimed to shove him, but James simply stepped to the side to avoid the push.

"What did she say?"

"Well," James began, and I quickly noticed the tense look that had replaced the nonchalance in his eyes. "First off, you and Lydie are just friends and you have absolutely no other feelings for her, right?"

Sirius looked skeptically at James but nodded. "Right Prongs…"

"Well then, I've got some news."

"Good news or bad news?" I couldn't help but ask. There was just something about the way he was standing; maybe it was because he was shifting his weight, or perhaps it was because he couldn't keep eye contact for any of us for more then a moment, but something told me something was wrong.

"Eh, not sure. Good, I reckon." Was his unconvincing reply.

And I knew the words before he even opened his mouth. I knew the words and knew that it was just a disaster waiting to happen. That the bomb had been planted with an unsteady timer; ready to explode at any given moment.

"**Lydia and I have decided to go out."**

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A/N So, what are we thinking? Let me know my lovely readers :)


	8. Tension

**A/N Hello my fine readers. I've got midterms for the next week and a half, so I thought this would be a wonderful time to update; right when I should be studying.**

**Disclaimer- It's all Jo's**

**Chapter Eight- Tension.**

There's only one way that would be sufficient to describe our last week at Hogwarts before the holidays; **Cold War. **While no harsh words were sent nor punches thrown, it was made perfectly clear that all was not right.

I mean seriously though, had we all stepped into a vortex? James and Lydia… together? I'd never before heard something so ridiculous. It's not like he was ice and she was fire or anything, they weren't total opposites. However, they weren't meant to be either.

I guess the thing is that ever since I've met her, I've always been positive that it'd be Lydia and Sirius. There's just so much chemistry between the two, or so I thought.

But the questions that were really deeply stirring inside of me regarding this subject all had to do with time. For one thing, how long was this going to last? And more so, for how long had there been a foundation to start it?

Lydia had never before given the slightest inclination of liking James as more then a friend, and Potter… well don't get me started on him.

I mean come on, how could he? This is the same bloke who chased me across the grounds with an umbrella while I was taking a walk one rainy night; he had reckoned that I'd end up with the flu if I didn't use it, and ended up getting sick himself. This is the guy who's asked me out more times then I can count and more ways then I could ever bother listing; from ink on parchment to a blimp over the astronomy tower.

He's sworn that he **actually cares **for me, and would do anything in my honor. So isn't that bit of a contradiction, asking my best mate out and all?

I don't know, but the whole ordeal really struck me below the belt. I felt betrayed by both parties, for reasons that I can't really explain. Although I'm not saying that I actually like Potter in even the simplest, nonromantic way, I suppose that I feel a bit protective over him. He was there for me **long **before he was there for her, and I guess I supposed that's just how it would stay.

My visible reaction to the news at first was cut off, as although Potter had been looking at me when he spilt, Sirius's response had caught his attention instantaneously. Wordlessly he had turned in place and walked off, a slight stomp in his step.

James had immediately followed after his friend, as did Remus and Peter. This left me starring after the group, wide eyed and mouth dropped into a small 'o'.

I stood there solemnly still, staring straight forward into the place where James last was, determined to win a staring contest against the air that lay before me. I could have been standing there for days, just simply gazing forward, until I heard the parade of students making their way down to the great hall from behind me. As if in a trance, I began to walk down the corridor.

"Wow."

**xXxXxXx**

So for the past few days there's been basically nothing to do except sit up in my dorm room, listening to an old muggle song album I found under Karli's bed and paint my nails.

It's really a war zone down there, I swear. No one's acting the least bit sociable, and to be perfectly honest I'm even a bit frightened to make eye contact with my friends.

Not that I'm a contributing factor to this iciness or anything. Nope, definitely not… I'm perfectly indifferent to the whole ordeal. I'd tell the lot of them this too, if they'd bother to ask me.

In other words, winter break could not come soon enough. Everyone needed time to think and cool off, and for goodness sake James and Lydia just needed time to realize what arses they were being.

In all honesty, I just wanted to go home. Over the years at Hogwarts I had always gone home for break, yet had always secretly wanted to stay at school. I mean, Hogwarts is a pretty spectacular place; I had always figured it must be pretty magical on Christmas.

However, at this moment I desperately needed a change of pace. So as I sat on my bed watching Karli pack her belongings for the train that left in several hours, I could do nothing but stare longingly and think of how horrible my life was.

"You know," Karli began, noticing the apparently pathetic look on my face. "You can probably spend break with me, I'm sure my parents won't mind."

I looked up from her trunk to make eye contact and shook my head before rolling over onto my back. "Nah, I'll be fine here."

Karli shrugged. "If you're sure."

After insisting that I was I excused myself, telling her that I fancied a walk before lunch. In reality, however, I just figured I should leave before Karli offered me any more pity.

I exited the dorm after digging a jumper, scarf, and some gloves out from underneath my bed. I made it down most of the stairs successfully, but soon found myself jumping against the wall to avoid running straight into Lydia, who I found barreling up the stairs.

She stopped in her tracks upon seeing me, and there was a short, rather awkward pause to follow.

"Hey," she ventured.

"Hi." I responded slowly, wondering why I found it so hard to look her in the eye.

"What's up?"

"Nothing." Was my simple response. I moved to take my leave, but couldn't bare to be bluntly rude to Lydia, who looked rather desperate for conversation. "And you?" I forced myself to ask.

"Same," She replied. "I'm actually off to finish packing, have you finished yet?"

"I'm staying here over break," I said, forcing a smile as to avoid any more pity. Lydia slapped her forehead remembering the news, as I had told her numerous times before everything had begun between her and James.

"Right, I knew that. Anyway, want to help me pack?"

I shook my head without even needing to think about it. I wanted to make some smart-ass remark about how she should ask James, but I mean _come on._ What did this girl- my best friend- do to me? Nothing. So _why_ exactly am I hating on her so much? Excellent question.

"I'm going for a walk." She nodded and I turned without saying goodbye. Without even looking back I knew that she had rolled her eyes before continuing up the stairs. I rolled mine too as if in a third grade competition, before entering the common room, only to exit it once more through the portrait hole.

I had passed through several corridors when I heard the footsteps from behind me. They started slowly and softly, but I could tell whomever was behind me was picking up speed. I expected to be either passed or tapped on the shoulder momentarily, so I slowed my pace. However, upon slowing I noticed that whomever was behind me also slowed. I sped up once more, then slowed, only to find the person doing just the same.

"James Potter," I accused when I had finally had enough of this rubbish. I turned to yell at him some more, only to be faced with Peter Pettigrew. "Whoops, sorry Peter."

Of course it wasn't Potter. Potter would have made some rude comment.

"Hi," he said quite pitifully. I don't intend to sound like a bad person by saying that, but I mean come _on_. What other way would be suitable to describe his voice? It's not being rude, it's a fact. Peter has a pitiful voice.

"Ready for holiday?"

He nodded fiercely. "Yes. I finished packing last night."

"So you're going home then?" I sighed, "I suppose I'm absolutely the _only_ person in all of Hogwarts staying here over break."

"Actually," he corrected, practically running to keep up with my brisk strides. "I heard Sirius is staying here too."

A cocked an eyebrow and turned to look at him. "I thought he was staying at Potter's?"

"No, he says he'd prefer staying here then go to James' house. They had a whole argument about it last night, actually."

"About _what_ exactly?"

"Well Prongs couldn't figure out why Padfoot won't stay with him, because he _always _goes to the Potter's house during holiday." I assumed 'Padfoot' was Sirius and 'Prongs' was James as he continued, gaining confidence with each word he spoke. "Padfoot says that he doesn't want to get into Prongs way, and Moony reckons that by saying this he was _actually_ talking about him dating Lydia, which I suppose makes a lot more sense, as it originally seemed like they were just fighting over smoked ham."

I raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?" This was news. It actually bothered me a lot that James and Sirius had fought over something so trivial, and it pained me to a point to know that James was _actually_ doing something so stupid to scramble up his friendships. Call me heartless, but I also couldn't help but be a bit thankful that Sirius would be with me during break.

"And what's your opinion on the- oh if it isn't the devil himself." James was approaching us, having just excited the library. The look on his face was uneasy, as if he wasn't sure whether he should actually make his move.

"Hey," he spoke hopefully, only to be shot down moments later.

"I'll talk to you later, Peter." I smiled at him before striding past James.

"Lily," His voice was soft and desperate, and I swear I almost turned around. Almost, that is.

Noticing that I was in no mood for him, James just pulled up next to me and walked in silence. I would have told him to bugger off, but I knew it would be to no avail. We walked downstairs and into the entrance hall and I stopped, not wanting him to follow me outside.

"Can I help you?"

He stood silent for a moment, giving me a chance to get a better look at him. To be honest, he looked like crap. His hair lay messier then ever and his robes looked as worn as he was. There were bags under his eyes, eyes which seemed vacant and lonely. Ilookedaway

"Are things ever going to go back to the way they should be?" It looked like he was afraid to know the real answer.

I knew he was referring to him and Sirius, or perhaps our entire group of friends. I was, however, clever enough to realize he wasn't talking about him and me. This was bigger then that.

"Not while you're being an ass they're not." Okay, maybe that was harsh. "Look, do you love her?"

James raised an eyebrow. "Love who?"

"Lydia, you dolt." He smiled for a moment at my insult before answering.

"We're still only kids, Lils. Aren't we a little young to be loving?"

Though my response to that question would be 'no' and that it wasn't about age but rather about chemistry, it worked towards my point better by going along with what he said.

"Then is it worth it?"

"I don't know," He responded, and I could tell that he actually didn't. "I like Lydia."

"Then stay with her. Merry bloody Christmas Potter." And with that, I opened the Great Oak door and began to stride out.

"Yeah, thanks for the help!" He called sarcastically.

And I really couldn't help but flash him the finger.

**A/N Review!!!**


	9. Impulse

A/N All right, here's a new. Anyway, kjsfhksfksdf. I don't know what to be saying right now. I'm pretty tired actually, so I reckon I'll just stop ranting now.

Disclaimer- It's not mine

Chapter Nine- Impulse

xXxXxXx 

"Come _on _mate. I'm not asking you to talk to me, I'm just telling you to come stay at my place for break." It was James who's voice I heard from across the common room as I sat reading my favorite novel in one of Gryffindor's squishy armchairs.

"I'm good, thanks." Sirius forced his reply, which only led to a frustrated moan from James.

"You're being ridiculous. Go pack your stuff, you've got an hour."

"Look, I'd rather just stay here."

I knew from the first word that this bicker was going to get them nowhere. Sirius Black happened to be quite the stubborn guy when he wanted to be, and now seemed like an ideal time for that quality to shine.

"Do you want me to pack up for you?" James asked. Alright, so I suppose he can be pretty inflexible as well.

"Look Prongs," I heard Sirius reply, and I actually turned in my seat to watch the scene as Sirius lowered his voice. "For once in your life, can you put my thoughts before your own and get it through your bloody skull; I don't want to spend break with you!"

"Why the hell not?"

The stare that Sirius responded with was so intense that I actually found myself getting antsy. It was a cold, hard glare that told James to figure that answer out on his own. James opened his mouth to respond, but I lost much interest, as I realized this was going nowhere fast.

Closing my book I stood from my position and decided to head up to the library in hopes of finding a quieter refuge. I was sick of the constant bickering and need to be on my toes when none of this even involved me.

In all honesty, I was just sick of my friends.

I quietly made my way across the common room and slipped unnoticed out of the portrait hole. Or so I thought.

"Lily," I heard a voice sound from behind me.

"Oh the fun continues," I mumbled sarcastically, turning to face Lydia.

"What?" She asked, raising an eyebrow skeptically.

"Hello." I replied, not even bothering to cover up for my previous comment.

"I'm pretty sure we need to talk."

My eyes, which I much say had been wandering slightly, met her brown ones at this statement. In all sincerity, I'm not much of a 'let's talk' kind of person. I'mmore of the 'just let me get passive aggressively livid at you for a bit, then we can chat like nothing happened'; which happened to be a trait of mine that had always vexed Lydia.

I opened my mouth to object, but then closed it once more. Maybe I would finally get some sort of new perspective on this whole ordeal by hearing her side of the story. Maybe, at least, it would just be something to pass the time away.

"Fine. Talk."

Lydia rolled her eyes at my unwillingness, before grabbing my arm and dragging me in the direction of the astronomy tower. Why the astronomy tower, I have no idea, but there was no other place in the school worth visiting in the course she was bringing me.

"So, let's sit." She insisted as we arrived momentarily. I obeyed as willingly as I could force myself to be before beginning to drum my fingers on the stone floor beneath me.

Lydia dropped cross-legged across from me and began to watch the pattern of my fingers absentmindedly for a moment before speaking. "Lils, I reckon I screwed up."

I don't think I've ever had to try so hard to resist a snort. Seriously. I could have told her that _ages_ ago. However, I held my tongue and remained quiet as she continued.

"I don't like James as anything more then a friend."

Although I, being the witty and charming sixteen year old that I am also knew that, I must admit that it was a great feeling to listen to Lydia say it. I moved to reply, but she continued; speaking all the words that seemed to have been bottled up inside of her since this whole ordeal had begun.

"Look, I know this is going to sound weird. But after me and Sirius arguing in the common room, I was pretty angry,"

"That's supposed to sound weird?" I cut in, but stopped talking altogether as she rose an eyebrow at me. I let her continue.

"Anyway, I was walking through the corridors, you know, just trying to clear my head a bit. And well, James came after me."

I knew that as well. That was when he was trying to prove us me wrong and act like he was the master of comforting people. Bloody git.

"Well," she continued further. "At first I wasn't in the mood for his rubbish at all, but pretty soon I guess I just gave into his jokes. And what do you know, I started kissing him."

I looked away from her once more at this revelation. The thought of James and Lydia kissing really did disgust me in a way too strong to put into words.

"I mean, he was just telling me everything I thought I wanted to here. He can really be a sweet guy, when he isn't acting like he's just turned four."

I grunted in indifference, "Is he _ever_ not acting four?"

"Listen!" She said with impatience, "Like I said, everything I wanted to hear. Or thought I did, until it was too late. For some bizarre reason he actually **asked me out** after I kissed him, even after I said it was a mistake. But you know how it is, you can't bloody say 'no' to someone right after you've pounced on him, especially when they're your mate."

Yes you can Lydia. It's called self-respect.

"I knew it wasn't right from the beginning, but what was I supposed to do?"

"Not kiss him," was the answer I uttered almost too quickly and defensively.

Lydia rolled her eyes. "Obviously. But what was I supposed to do after?"

"Say no," Though I knew it was a lie. Not only would Lydia have used James mercilessly by turning him down, I knew she wouldn't have been able to live with herself. "Look," I continued a little less cynically, warming up to the conversation. "If it's any consolation, I suppose I get where you're coming from."

"And now Sirius wont speak to me or James for that matter, and I know it's completely my fault. He's even staying at Hogwarts over break by himself as well, and you've barely uttered three words together to me since this whole ordeal happened, all because of my damn impulses."

I cleared my throat correctively as she voiced the words 'by himself' as I too would be staying, but I overlooked the fact as she continued. "Don't worry," I insisted when she had finished, leaning back against the stonewall behind me. "I think the whole lot of us all have impulse problems."

"Yeah? How so?"

I didn't need to think for a moment before spitting out an answer. "Well, Sirius acts on desire all the time. His thoughts are out of his mouth before his brain has even had time to process them. You, as mentioned, acted impetuously by kissing Potter, who in turn acted similarly by asking you out without thinking of what a feud it would cause between you both and Sirius. Me," My mind flashed to that game of 'seven minutes in heaven' when I was younger, to the Quidditch locker room, to all of those instances where I was ready to kiss Potter like there was no tomorrow. "Well believe me, I've got quite the impulses as well."

Lydia looked up at me and let out a small smile. I could tell she was happy that I was speaking to her, and although I still didn't agree with her actions I must say I was pleased to be talking to her too. "So what do I do now?" She finally asked.

"Nothing so easy," I said, and I couldn't resist a slight grin. "You've got to dump him."

**xXxXxXx**

The next half hour straight was spent with constant practice of dumping James Potter. It felt like we had some sort of potion's exam in an hour or so, an exam that we had just begun to study for. Or at least Lydia had. I sat casually against the wall, eating from a box of sugar quills that I had found in Lydia's purse, while she paced harshly in front of me. I know I should have probably been more supportive, but I couldn't help but let out a chuckle every so often. I guess I had just finally seen the light of the situation.

Leave it to Lydia to wind up in this position, though. She pointed this fact out, saying how _I_ never ended up this type of pickle. "That's because I know how to keep my tongue in my own mouth." I jokingly pointed out.

"Prude," she said in a falsely snappy voice.

"Am not!" I argued unconvincingly. She raised her eyebrow.

"You sure about that?"

Yes! Well… maybe not exactly. Sure, I didn't have a lot of boyfriends, but those that I did were actually _serious._ That was one of the major differences between Lydia and myself, although we both wanted our prince charming, I would rather wait for it to be perfectly right while she would rather go off and had some fun with all of the wrong guys until she meets someone real. I guess I was just more romantic then her. Not that she was some kind of shallow arse or anything when it came to dating, but she saw people a lot more casually then I did.

"Hey, I'd rather be a prude then you right about now."

She shrugged, not bothering to deny it. "Me too. Anyway, let's practice one more time. You be James, okay?"

I laughed, but obliged. Every time we went through it, Lydia always gave such long explanations. I'd gone along with it for the most part, but every so often I had to stop her to say, "Can't you just walk up to him and say 'it's over' then walk away?"

Lydia rolled her eyes and clarified for the umpteenth time. "No! He needs to not hate me in the end,"

"Right," I concluded, "Wouldn't want another Sirius Black."

"Insensitive!" She accused.

I nodded, "I know, I know. I'm only joking. He'll get over it." Or so I hoped.

"Wait…" Lydia stated vaguely, a thought obviously striking her. "What am I going to say to _him_?"

"Who, Sirius?" she nodded affirmative, and I thought for a moment. "I don't know. It all depends on how he reacts to you dropping James and whether or not he's in the mood to let it blow over. You'll have to wing it with him, I guess."

Lydia groaned before checking her watch for the time. "I've got to catch the train in fifteen minutes. This is going to be the most awkward ride of my life."

It was true. Maybe it was better I was staying at Hogwarts after all. "Right. Let's go."

**xXxXxXx**

The final moments before the majority of the school boarded the Hogwarts Express were some of the uncomfortable that I've ever experienced. I suppose it was the perfect ending to such a wretched week.

It all began as Lydia and I descended the stairs of the girl's dormitory, her dragging her trunk and I carrying her bag. She was telling me a story of a detention she had had the previous evening with Carter Rydell, a Slytherin whom we both ever so openly hated. Apparently during the course of the punishment he accidentally fell into a bookcase and ended up knocking over (then having to clean up) every potion book that Slughorn had in his office. Though it wasn't an incredibly funny story, I found myself doubled over in hysterical laughter due to it. I guess it was because I had been on such shaky terms with Lydia recently that now even the dimmest candle seemed like the sun.

As we entered the common room, however, the buoyancy that Lydia and I were feeling was blanketed by uneasiness as James Potter approached us. Actually, I think initially he was making to greet just Lydia, because once he actually comprehended that I was standing next to her his smile faded dramatically.

I rolled my eyes. Way to make it obvious Potter.

"Hey," He said in a strained attempt at nonchalance. "Need help carrying anything?"

I snorted, but tried to turn it into a cough. There was something amusing about James Potter trying to be chivalrous. "Cold," I insisted as he raised an eyebrow at me before quickening my pace to pass him.

The walk down to the station began deadly silent. I'm telling you, you could hear a pin drop. Though I'm not sure why you would want to… Anyway, the silence was really killing me. I cast a sideways glance at Lydia, who widened her eyes at me, silently begging me to say something.

"So," I began after a moment. "How are you spending the holiday?" I know, I've got a knack for choosing interesting, unexhausted subjects of conversation.

Lydia, however, seemed to be more then satisfied with my question. "Well, tomorrow I'm going gift shopping. I haven't exactly bought anyone anything yet." There was a short pause, in which I believe Lydia hoped James would fill with his own plans. When didn't, for I'm pretty sure fear of my reaction, she spoke again. "How about you, Lily?"

"Oh you know, I'll be off exploring the world as always."

Lydia laughed at my sarcasm, but it was followed by another pause which eventually evolved into the end of all conversation. I spent the remainder of the walk attempting to calculate just how many seconds it would be until this disaster would be over.

When we reached the platform my eyes immediately fell on Sirius, who was with one of the only groups of people that had not boarded the train. He was surrounded by mostly seventh years, with the exception of Karli, who he was currently hugging goodbye.

I felt Lydia tense up next to me and mutter: "they aren't even bloody friends,"

I gave her a stern look that told her not to worry about it, before hugging her. "I'll see you in a few weeks."

She nodded, "Yeah, bye Lily. Oh and by the way," Lydia lowered her voice dramatically. "I'm going to do it on the train ride, straight away. Like a band-aid, you know?"

I let out a small smile as she related dumping Potter to gauze. "Go for it."

We let go, and my eyes met instantaneously met James' like a moth to the flame. He looked weathered, and it felt as though some of his emotions rubbed off onto me. I wondered if he would actually be sad when Lydia dumped him. I doubted it. Or maybe it was just mostly hope I felt.

I wondered a lot, actually, in the moments our eyes were locked. I wondered if him and Sirius would ever be the same again, or if all of the trust in their relationship had been broken. I wondered if him and Lydia's friendship would ever stop being awkward after they split. I wondered what would become of me and him.

**I wondered if he wondered the same things.**

He offered me a small smile, one which I couldn't bring myself to even return. Why should I feel sorry for him when it was his own fault and poor judgment that caused all of this?

I looked away from him, handing Lydia her bag. "Bye," I said, avoiding eye contact altogether now with Potter.

As I watched the two board the train the last in the school, I waited for that flood of reprieve to fill over me. But it didn't come. I returned the wave Lydia sent me out the window, and therefore didn't noticed as Sirius approached me from behind and spoke my previous thoughts.

"That wasn't as relieving as I had thought it would be."

I nodded, and he let out a semi-strained grin.

"C'mon," he said, jerking his head in the direction opposite the school. "Let's go to Hogsmeade."

**xXxXxXx**

A/N. Revieeeewww!


	10. Holidays

**A/N Okay, so I know I sort of well... disappeared. I'm sorry! I really am. But please don't hate me! I made it extra long too just because I felt bad. Hah. Alright, so basically read and review, despite the fact that it's kind of rubbish.**

**Disclaimer- It's JKR's.**

**ALSO- alright so something has been really screwy with the server so every time I post this- or think I do anyway- it gets deleted. sorry for the excessive emails for anyone who has me on alert, but i'm hoping this will be the last time.**

**Chapter Ten- Holidays**

Spending time with Sirius Black was a lot easier then I ever thought it could be. I had always just seen him as '_Potter's Secondhand Man'_, but once I got him talking I found out there was a lot more to him. For instance, Sirius Black really is a sucker for peanut butter. I guess everyone is to an extent, but I never thought I could ever _actually _get him to start panting when I pulled out some muggle 'Reeses' candies after dinner one night.

He was just an incredibly funny and sincere sort of guy. However, as much as the boy could make me laugh, there was still something missing. It's kind of hard to explain, but I guess I'll try a go at a metaphor. So a girl is extremely excited because she's just scored front row seats to see her favorite band. She enters the theater, and finds out that her tickets were flipped, and she's actually a few rows back. Sure, her view of the band's still great and maybe her tickets are even closer to the middle, but it's still nothing compared to being in the action where you just about touch the musicians.

It was just a different experience hanging out with Sirius then James, I guess. And I really do hate the fact that I the only thing I can think about is being sweat on by the bass player, but it's inevitable. Sirius could feel it too, I was sure, but would never say anything. We both played our parts convincingly, slowly but surely we learned to accept our new seats.

It wasn't like we were completely disconnected from the outside world. We both received a disgusting amount of letters; most of which from Lydia and James.

Sirius, obviously still frustrated at the pair, threw each letter into the fire without a second glance. He had a reason to be angry, and I could only relate to a small extent of that.

Due to this fact I accepted mine, most of which from Lydia, with open arms. I really had missed her a lot during our little cold war, and therefore wrote just as disgusting of an amount back. I didn't hear from Potter, however, until Christmas Eve when he sent two packages by owl to the Common Room.

Sirius was sitting by my side on the couch when the packages arrived. As I untied the bundle from the owl, another flew in and landed next to Sirius carrying a similar box. I opened the letter attached to mine, ignoring the text in order to catch a glance at the signature.

"James," I read aloud uneasily.

Sirius turned the package over once in his hand, tracing the pattern of the wrapping paper as if in a daze. After a moment, he stood and slowly made his way over to the mantle. I thought for a moment he was going place it on the table for safe keeping, but before I knew it the package began to burn in the fireplace like every other attempt at a cease-fire had.

"Sirius Black, turning down a gift?" I asked lightly, however once I caught sight of his face I knew I couldn't gloss this over. However, I couldn't really think of anything I could possibly say to comfort him. "Friends suck."

He sat back down, nodding although not meeting my gaze. I moved closer to him, leaning my head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry he did this to you."

"He knew. He knew, well you know. What I wanted." His words were simple, and it was quite apparent that Sirius Black was not the kind of boy to talk about feelings. "I wasn't blunt about it, but he knew. He always knew." I nodded, knowing exactly what he was talking about despite his lack of words. He was his best mate, of course he knew. There was a silence in which Sirius continued to stare into the fire, and I continued to watch him. After a while he smiled sadly and wrapped an arm around my shoulder.

"It's a sad day when Lily Evans is the most stable thing in my life." I couldn't help but smile too at his comment; I never would have imagined myself in the arms of Sirius Black on Christmas Eve.

"I guess I could say the same thing to you." I admit. Another silence passed, this one more serene.

"Well, are you going to open it?" It took me a moment to realize what he was saying, but as he nodded at my lap I noticed I has still clutching James' package. I shrugged, and he spoke again. "No, you really should. You don't have a reason to hate him, and he's had that for a while."

I looked into Sirius' face for a moment, discovering him to be genuine. "I'll throw it into the fire afterward, if you want." I vowed, and he smiled.

"Just open it, already."

Shrugging, I moved first to the letter that was taped to the top of the package. I looked at it skeptically for a moment before deciding that I'd better read it. It was written in scribbles, but I still somehow managed to make my way through the words.

_Dear Lily,_

_Well, Hello. How's your Christmas going? I know you hate me and everything I've done, but I guess that's not really different then usual, right? Okay, that was a bad joke and I know it. You have to realize, I'm really sorry Lily. It was a mistake that got a little out of hand, and deep down everyone knows it. I understand that that doesn't justify anything, but it's all I've got. I screwed up, but I suppose that's just my nature. Anyway, I promise you that you'll hate your gift. That's why I bought it, only I kind of wish I would get to see you open it to watch your disgusted expression. Oh well. Eventually you'll realize that you love it. Or you maybe will just hit me. Either way, Merry Christmas my Lily. _

_James_

I couldn't help but smile at the letter. It was really and truly James; the James I hadn't really heard in what seemed like years. It wasn't until the second time I read through it, however, that I realized the 'P.S' scribbled at the bottom.

_P.S. I've got quite the favor to ask of you. So as you're well aware, I've pretty much completely stomped on Sirius. I know he's been throwing everything I sent him out a window or into the fireplace, so I sent him an empty package. I've attached his real gift to yours; I'd be forever in debt if you'd get him to open it without throwing it into a lake first._

Once again the smile appeared on my face. Of course James would have known Sirius enough to realize how he would react to a present while in his current state. I looked up to meet Sirius' curious gaze. "He knew you'd throw your gift into the fireplace."

I handed him the package Potter had indicated as being his. "I think you should open it."

I immediately noticed the small trace of a smile that appeared on his face. "Am I that predictable?" He asked, taking the package. I shrugged.

"To Potter, maybe." My mind was already wandering back to the small package that was my own. I was turning it lightly in my hand, wondering what it could be.

_'I promise you'll hate your gift... I kind of wish I would get to see you open it to watch your disgusted expression'_ The words didn't sound all that appealing. Knowing James it would be something dangerous.

"Open it," Sirius prompted, watching my face expectingly.

"You know what it is?" I asked. He grinned guiltily. "Will I hate it?"

"Well.. if it was from someone else then no."

I rolled my eyes, "Thanks for clearing that up."

"Just open it already!"

My eyes snapped up to his questioningly. "Are you turning back to rooting for team Potter?"

Sirius laughed, "I've always been a sucker for it." He pulled his arm around me tighter in a comforting sort of grip. "But things change and my best mate is acting like scum. So bring on the present hating!"

I flipped the package over one more time before tugging on the side of the bright red paper. It loosened, and I slowly pulled it off to reveal a long brown box. "Jewelry?" I asked, eying Sirius who shook his head.

"Too generic."

I nodded in agreement before turning back to my package, a little afraid it might set fire. I tipped it so that it stood up straight before opening the lid.

Flower petals spilled from the top, and I couldn't help but smile. "Generic, eh?" I joked before pulling several dozen petals out of the box and placing them onto Sirius' knee. The box, however, appeared to be otherwise empty save from a small piece of paper placed strategically at the very bottom. Raising an eyebrow, I pulled out the sheet and examined it carefully before unfolding it. Only two letters were written on it in black permanent marker. I couldn't help but let out a small sigh as I read the word.

_'**Me**.'_

"Oh that James Potter..." I managed to speak, overwhelmed by the unexpectedness of the gift. It was something so simple, so thoughtful and well... "So corny."

Sirius laughed. "Do you hate it?"

I shrugged, trying to compose myself. "At least it wasn't _actually_ him who popped out of the box." I reasoned, though I couldn't help but wish in the slightest bit that he was here. He was right, it _would _have been funner. I could have thrown something large at his head, which is an act that I've been meaning to do... or I could have hugged him. Which was a lot more unlikely.

"Your turn," I said, shifting the attention from myself to Sirius. "Yours is a bit heavier, so maybe James _actually_ got you something."

As Sirius began to unwrap his gift my attention wandered back to my own. I picked up the flower pedals from their resting place on Sirius' knee and placed them carefully in the box before adding the note on the top and sealing it. Maybe some day I _would_ appreciate it. Or in the least have something to laugh about.

Sirius' snort from beside me brought my attention back to his gift. From what I could see, it was just a large bottle of firewhiskey. "He bought you alcohol?" I asked skeptically. Sirius turned the bottle in my direction to reveal a sticky note. It's message, like mine, was short but this time around seemed way more sincere.

It read, in the same permanent maker:

_'For the next time I piss you off.'_

I couldn't help but grin, and a glance at Sirius told me I wasn't the only one. He shook his head slightly for a moment, laughing. "Now how am I ever supposed to stay mad at a guy like that?"

My grin broadened and I let out a sigh of relief. Mark the day; the troops had finally agreed on a peace treaty.

* * *

"So Lily..." Sirius began for the umpteenth time that morning.

"Yes?" I responded, humoring him as I began to stack various Christmas gifts into a pile by the side of the couch.

"Well I was just wondering... Can we go to the Potters house?"

I frowned. "I liked you better when you were rugged and angry."

Sirius just laughed at thecomment; his joyous mood so genuine and different then she was used to.

"I'm still rugged, darling. So can we?"

"No Sirius, we most certainly can not." My response was meant to be final, but he persisted.

"But why?"

"Because, Sirius Black, that would be awkward and strange due to the fact that the Potters don't know me. A fact I'm perfectly content with it staying that way."

Sirius shook his head, clicking his tongue as he did so. "Ignorance isn't always a bliss, Lily. Mrs. Potter would love you! Of course that might have something to do with her thinking you're going to become her daughter in law..."

"What?!" I asked, standing up straight and causing him to let out another bark of laughter.

"I'm kidding, Lily. She doesn't know who you are. But It'll be fun!"

"We don't have a train." I reminded.

"We can use the headmaster's flu network."

I sighed loudly. "You go, Sirius."

"I'm not leaving you!"

"And I'm not going."

It was Sirius' turn to sigh. "Fine," he dragged out childishly, "Well then I guess I'll go change for a Hogwarts supper. Nothing like Mrs. Potter's roast beef..." He muttered as he climbed the boy's dormitory staircase. I smiled slightly, knowing that despite his attitude being bloody annoying, it was a good start. I dropped onto the couch and laid back against it, closing my eyes as I waited.

Sirius emerged from the staircase several minutes later, grinning once again. "Time for some yummy deliciousness." He decided, grabbing my arm and dragging me to first a sitting position, and then standing, and after out the door. "Hurry up, Lily, or we'll be late!"

I snorted. "There are only ten kids left in the castle. Seeing as we make up one fifth of that, I don't think they could start without us if they tried."

"I see your point." Despite his rush, when we entered the entrance hall Sirius dragged me toward the front door instead of the great hall's.

"Yeah I think we might be having dinner in the entrance hall tonight; it's just a guess." I joked sarcastically. He however, did not loosen his grip on my arm.

"We have to see if it's snowing! It always snows on Christmas." I wanted to argue with the statement, but I felt it was better left alone. Therefore I was actually smiling when Sirius pulled open the oak doors.

That smile faded, however, when they were swung open to their full abilities. Because leaning against the stone railing lazily was James Potter.

My jaw dropped into a small 'o'. _Of course_ Sirius wouldn't give up so easily. Apparently 'changing for dinner' really meant 'contacting James Potter'. Who would of thought. Anyone with common sense, apparently.

James grinned when he saw us, letting out a laugh at my expression. "Sirius, you told me she was cool with this!" He accused, pulling Sirius into an embrace that I figured to be their final 'I'm sorry''s. When they let go, Sirius turned to me and insisted that he didn't _really _tell James that I was content.

"I hate you," I muttered to Sirius, who just grinned.

"Well now we get some real food and can have some hard core Potter fun."

My mind stopped for the second time since we had stepped outside. "Wait, you're not saying that you're still thinking of going to the Potters house?"

James nodded, "Well we have to, my parents are expecting us."

"Have fun then." I said with a shrug before turning around back toward the front door. I could feel the two look at each other before staring intently at my retreating figure.

"You're not going anywhere." Sirius insisted, catching up with me and holding onto my shoulder to stop me. He frowned. "Why don't you want to go?"

I snorted, "Would you look at if from my point of view? See anything appealing about the whole situation?" Sirius squinted his eyes in thought for a moment, before laughing.

"No, I definitely don't." He decided, "No offense, Prongs."

James shrugged, now moving inside and closing the door behind him. "None taken. Can we leave now?" Sirius turned his attention back to me, eying me skeptically. I looked away.

"I can't go if Lily wont."

I could see Potter's jaw drop from behind me, and Sirius smiled slightly as I responded; "Just go along without me."

"It's Christmas, Lily. Well I guess we'll see you later then, Prongs." Sirius strode away from me towards the Great Hall, and although part of me wanted to follow him I knew I couldn't. Christmas was not the time for selfishness.

"_Fine._" I agreed, and noticed that Sirius halted himself but didn't turn until I continued. "We can go to the Potters."

"Score!" Sirius called, finding his way first to James to high-five him, and then to me for an incredibly tight embrace. "Thanks Lily. I always knew you'd be a sucker for reverse psychology."

I mumbled something along the lines of 'bloody prick' before following the two back towards the door. I had just about reached it when something struck me. "How are we going to get there?"

James grinned, pulling at something from behind the outside steps to reveal two broomsticks. "You can ride with me." He insisted, waggling an eyebrow.

I knew that I was being a pain, and that I wasn't going to get my way anyway, but I still couldn't help but complain. "Do I _have to?_"

"Yup. Sirius can't fly if his life depended on it and I'm pretty spectacular. So I win."

Sirius nodded in agreement. "I'd crash you into a tree."

I sighed, finally giving in. "Let's get this over with."

Both boys hopped easily onto their broomsticks. Sirius floated several feet away while James flew toward me. I instinctively took several steps back, which apparently James found quite funny. "Just climb onto the back; I wont move it." I considered the possibility for a moment, still uneasy. In the end, I decided that it couldn't possibly be a bad thing.

I slowly pulled myself onto the broomstick, wrapping my arms tightly around James' waist before I could even think about it. I closed my eyes as he took off, and when I opened them we were soaring.

This was nothing like that horrible flying lesson I had learned in first year. This was experienced and magnificent, mind-blowing and well-

"Amazing." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. I heard him laugh from in front of me, practically yelling back at me to be heard over the increasing wind.

"I was thinking the same thing."

And it really was. Well, at least for the first ten minutes. After a while, however, all I could think about was how incredibly cold it was, and I was almost thankful when we reached the Potters' house.

Or should I say mansion. I was situated on a hill just beyond a woods area, and I could make no other comparison then that of an old muggle book I had once read by Jane Austen; this house was Derbyshire.

When we entered the house, moments later, my reference had to be corrected. This was _better_ then Derbyshire. The ceilings were high and the rooms were very nicely furnished with brilliant colors and schemes. I looked around, happily absorbing my surroundings, while James eyed me skeptically.

"Don't... Well don't judge me too much for this, okay?"

I laughed, turning to face him for the first time since we arrived to see that his hair was more windblown then ever. It really suited him, though.

"Nice hair, you two." A voice from behind me spoke my thoughts, and I turned to see Sirius approach us, grinning. "You both look like you just came from a major snog session. I'm sure your mom would love to see that."

James shrugged, running a hand through his hair in vein. "Yeah, maybe that wouldn't be the best idea."

I turned to a nearby mirror, realizing that Sirius wasn't at all exaggerating. My hair was windblown and sticking out at weird angles, and I brushed furiously at the wavy locks to contain them. I could feel James watching me, but I tried to ignore his piercing gaze. He waited until I was satisfied with my appearance to speak.

"Ready to meet my folks?" I nodded unsurely. "They'll love you, Lily. I promise. Everyone does."

They couldn't be too bad, right? All I had ever heard of the Potters was that they were nice, funny, and intelligent individuals. So that couldn't be that catastrophic, right?

**Wrong**, apparently. From the moment we entered the kitchen I could feel the Mrs.'s looking at me as if I was some rare virus that needed to be contained. She hugged her son and Sirius tightly before nodding a 'hello' in my direction. James raised an eyebrow questioningly, and I tried desperately to make peace.

"You have an incredible home." I complimented.

"Thank you." She replied simply before turning back to the stove. "Now why don't you three set the table."

I grabbed the silverware while Potter and Sirius handled the dishes and glasses. We entered the oversized dining room, and I stared at James until he would look at me. He grinned uneasily.

"She loves you."

Sirius snorted as he placed several plates into their spots at the table. "Almost as much as my parent's would."

James gave his friend a warning glass, but I just looked at him confusedly. I didn't know Sirius' parents, but by Potters' reaction I was assuming they wouldn't like me either. Since when was I so universally hated by adults?

Well, at least Mr. Potter found me tolerable. I could see so much of James in his dad that I guess it was expected that he would like me. Obviously some blood defect the two shared. Either way, it was greatly appreciated during the interrogation that I had in store for me during dinner.

"Where are you from, Lily?"

I stopped cutting my roast beef to answer. "Just outside of London, actually."

"Do you play Quidditch?"

I shook my head. "No, I'm not very gifted on a broomstick."

"It's not all about the gift, dear, you have to practice just like anything else."

I nodded, afraid to say something else to anger her.

"How do you do in school?"

I shrugged. I own at it? Somehow, I figured that wouldn't be the most appropriate response. "I do well."

"My son," she continued, and I rested my knife on my plate; knowing that eating would not come anytime soon. "Is second in the class. He's very motivated."

I wanted to say that James wasn't motivated but actually and truly _gifted_, but once again I knew it would only cause chaos to mention.

"Mom," James interrupted. "Lily's _first_ in our class."

If I had known that it would stop the woman from talking for a moment, I would have said it myself. She closer her mouth, which had been ready for another set of questioning, and nodded. "That's impressive."

"Very impressive." Sirius agreed, reminding her that he was still present. "Unlike me," He frowned, but I could tell it was more of a diversion then anything else. The glint in his eye was unmistakable.

"Oh Sirius, you're a smart boy if you would just put some effort in. Say Lily," She began, and I inwardly groaned. "How long have you been friends with these boys? I've never heard you mentioned before."

Oh, harsh. Well, it _would_ be if I cared. I looked at James, silently begging for him to cut in. He grinned before obliging.

"Hey mom, do you think I could talk to you for a moment?"

Mrs. Potter looked up, shaking her head. "Sweetie, we have guests."

"It's a matter of urgency." He insisted, and I could feel Sirius' snicker. The two disappeared into the living room, and I let out a long breath of air at the time that Sirius completely exploded.

"This is better then watching the world cup!" Sirius insisted, making Mr. Potter let out a chuckle.

I scowled at Sirius. "Help me." I begged at the two; even though Mr. Potter _should_ be a source of fear for me, he seemed incredibly more care-free then his wife.

"I've never seen her give the third degree to anyone before." Mr. Potter mused with a grin.

"He's never brought a girl home before." Sirius reasoned, grabbing another roll out of the dish.

"We're not even dating!" I complained, taking this free time to take a sip of my seltzer. "We don't even get along!"

Mr. Potter shrugged, "It doesn't look that way much. Not to a mother at least."

Apparently if you speak of the devil it appears, because James and her entered the room at that time. I looked at James hopefully, but he just shrugged and mouthed the words 'shes stubborn'.

Now I know where he gets it from.

"Sorry about that," He insisted, and as he sat next to me I guess I could understand what Mr. Potter meant. He did move his chair awfully close, resting his hand on the side of my chair as he sat down. He had finished eating, so it all just a show for him now.

Surprisingly, it was Sirius who came to my rescue. "So Mrs. P, while you were gone Lily was telling us about how she wants to become an auror."

Mrs. Potters' jaw dropped, and I saw her husband smile impressively. I didn't think I had ever mentioned my future plans to Sirius, but it was a helpful comment none the less.

"An auror, you say?" Mrs. Potter asked warily. "What a coincidence; Mr. Potter is an auror."

James grinned, obviously also pleased with Sirius' comment. "Mom wants me to be an auror."

"But you don't want to be?" I asked curiously, taking a spoonful of mashed potatoes and turning to face him.

"I kind of wanted to take the Quidditch route." James explained with a shrug.

"Despite his potential to be great." His mother said offhandedly.

"Lot's of Quidditch players turn out to be great." James countered, sitting up straighter in his seat.

"Everyone done?" Mr. Potter cut in, standing up and picking his plate up. Sirius, too, stood up and grabbed an empty bowl. "I can make some tea if anyone wants it."

Mother and son were still staring stubbornly at each other with fiery eyes. I put a hand on James' shoulder, trying to pull his attention away. He slowly stood, picking up his glass with more force then necessary as he turned into the kitchen. Mrs. Potter, on the other hand, stood up empty handed and stomped out through the living room. I moved toward Sirius.

"Well this is awkward." I muttered, and he grinned.

"Yeah, it's quite the ongoing fight the two have." We were in the kitchen now, laying our dishes where Mr. Potter indicated. James was standing by the opposite door. When we finished cleaning up, he nodded toward the exit and steered us up a flight of stairs to his bedroom. None of us spoke until he had safely shut and locked the door behind him.

"I'm sorry." I knew he was mostly directing the words at me, because Sirius had already made his way to James' closet and pulled out a pile of Quidditch magazines which he sat on the bottom of James' bed to read. I shrugged, looking away uncomfortably.

"It's no problem." I turned away from him to examine his room; tired of him always apologizing. Like the rest of the house, his room was large and spacious. The walls were white, however there were quite a few posters and pictures scattered around. Most of the posters were of famous Quidditch players, however there were several of him and his group of friends. In terms of furniture, there was a large king size bed on the far side of the room, a wooden dresser directly next to the door, and an over sized blue bean bag chair under the window.

I dropped onto the bean bag chair and stretched my arms over my head. "So this is your room."

James nodded, watching me curiously as I began to pull off my shoes. "Why yes, this is. Do you approve?"

"Very much. I like your house a lot. It's a too bad that I'll be forever after banished from it." I half-joked.

"This is true." He agreed, grinning as he dropped onto the beanbag next to me. There was more room for him on the bed, however the size of this seat made it so we weren't too cozy. I didn't bother to protest, but rather yawned loudly.

"My mom has that effect on people."

I laughed, but Sirius spoke up. "I like your mommy. She likes me more then you."

"She treats you like a puppy." James joked.

"Well I _am_ a puppy. Oh look, it's snowing!"

James leaned on my shoulder in order to look out the window. "Looks like you two will be spending the night."

"Score!" Sirius cheered, standing up.

I groaned loudly, standing up to examine the half-foot of snow that had accumulated during dinner. "Do I have to?"

James and Sirius looked at each other before grinning and saying in unison. "Yes."

...

**A/N Ah, it's been a while but still... review please!**


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